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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: LXIXdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: irvine_valentin
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 43/74/15
    Words: 207
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 790
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1336



    Description:
       OK for this i just typed in the box whatever came into my head so cut me some slack!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLXIXdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Have you ever felt so empty
    That you feel you're coming and going?
    Have you ever felt so dead
    That the butterflies in your stomach are moths
    Eating you from the inside out

    They never getting any further
    Any further from the centre
    So the pain never stops
    Never stops until you die

    You can look out across the globe
    And see what happens in the world
    But nobody seems to hurt like you
    Nobody seems to pain like you

    I feel empty when I'm without her
    But when I'm with her it doesn't matter
    Time doesn't stand still though
    It speeds up
    It gives me a taste of joy
    Of Love
    And takes it almost instantly

    Before I start to talk
    It's already time to go
    And I regret everything
    I regret where I am
    I regret who I am
    and there are times
    That I regret what I am

    "I hate myself and I want to die"
    A great man once said that
    Would I have his courage?
    To pull the trigger
    To slice my wrists
    Death holds no fear
    Because I know I will rise
    Like a Pheonix
    A Pheonix from the flames
    And we would be together
    Evermore




    Submitted on 2006-02-10 18:43:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this was nice i dont mean the happy little bunnys nice i mean the well written well semi-thought out nice i am positive the answer to you question is yes from ever one in the world the best/worst thing about this situation is that their all just recycled feelings and what i find the most depressing about this situation is that those feelings will always be here and never belong to just you

    any way this was good

    xoxo
    thyat girl
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]
      And you said, all this just spewed out of you right? lol. Well, it looks like you are in Heartbreak Hotel...and won't be checking out tonight. This was very erractic at times, like a overflow of words and emotions. I liked the metaphors and the honest imagery you used. It made your pain seem more real. It just seem it was not organized or strung together to make a full impact to the reader as you wished for it to. Don't get me wrong, this was very good. I would revise just a bit and make it more coherent in thought pattern. Nice work.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      That the butterflies in your stomach are moths
    Eating you from the inside out

    brilliant spin on a common idea
    it added character

    So the pain never stops
    Never stops until you die

    Are you sure that it stops? can we be? its mind blowing a puzzling to think of an end.

    suicide takes a courage many won't know
    would it be worth the venture?
    maybe not.

    on the whole i enjoyed this, i admire your use of words yet you could play with metaphors a little more

    what was you situation? i was never sure.
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Halston | [ Reply to This ]
      luke, this is magnificent... there was one stanza in particular that caught my eye,

    "You can look out across the globe
    And see what happens in the world
    But nobody seems to hurt like you
    Nobody seems to pain like you"

    that pretty much sums up why i'm so addicted to music, the sad music in particular. it comforts me to know that there really are other people out there that hurt at least as much as i do.
    lovely words, keep up the writing, you've definately got a talent for it.

    -jess
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Wow, just freakin' wow.

    Nothing makes any sense in the world, and you feel so alone. Nothing seems to liven you except for this one person. The one person you long to be with, but is so out of your reach. A conversation with her seems to bring you to life, yet she is taken away so quickly that it hardly seems worth it.
    Then you go to say that you do not have the courage to kill yourself. Killing one's self really isn't about courage, but more like taking the easy way out. Yes it does take guts to it, but in the end the only thing remember is that you were a coward for not being able to face life.

    Nice write. I like the random thoughts that seem to come into one.

    Great job

    KimbreRain
    xo
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      Have you ever felt so dead
    That the butterflies in your stomach are moths
    Eating you from the inside out


    Like a Pheonix
    A Pheonix from the flames

    I liked these metaphors you used. They were pretty cool. There's just two spelling errors and they are these...

    They never getting <they're>

    centre<that could be writer's liscense, lol, bit it should be center if it's not>

    This was a pretty good poem and I enjoyed reading it, even if it was mere random thoughts. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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