unfuckingtitled by screams

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Submission Name: unfuckingtitled dots

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Author:	screams
Elite Ratio:	5.96 - 433/386/92
Words:	105

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	419
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	783

Description:

unfuckingtitled dots

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we are all tiny stalks
yellow grey
making up a sea of mindlessness

waves rustle... make a song:
"we belong, we belong"

blown into those background winds

nothing but background

dried husks, unnoticed,

the feul for some future fire

giants come with an invisable press

they step step step

and press us flat...

and we shrugg in the eastern winds as if such things were normal

rockerfeller rich folk
morgan-stanely
lumina alumanti

their movements make the hills and mounds that we call dreams and obstacles

Submitted on 2006-02-10 19:29:39 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  A while ago, I was reading this report about Fred Phelps and how his health is fading... and sometimes, I end up thinking... maybe I could forgive someone like that...

Maybe after writing something like this, I could.

This makes me think about religion... and probably what Dan Brown was suggesting with his Da Vinci Code (regardless of how he wrote it.) What if the entire foundation of the church was built on a coin toss, or who has the larger penis, or how many times one can hit his wife... What if, Jesus Christ was actually a girl... or there were actually 13 disciples... but one of the was African-American... or Asian... or Gay.

I wasn't there when the gospel is written... yet I'm suppose to let it tell me what to eat every Friday... talk about faith, huh.

Sorry (now Alia's gonna shoot me) I seem to be going off track. But that's how your piece made me react... and for that... I applaud you.
| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
  Your poem asks the question: who's really running the show? I don't really know if the people in power really have much control over the ebb and flow of humanity, I mean they are pebbles thrown into the ocean (like us) but maybe they make a bigger splash than most of us do, yet in the end, the water resumes its unbroken form . . . and this thing marches on to its own tune.

It's like shaking your fist up at god in the heavens and blaming him for all the ills of the world. I don't think if he exists, he's really in charge either.

Fact is, we're a species driven by hunger and so many diverse needs we seek to fill up our bellies and consume everything in sight, yet never can be satiated. We're all a part of this collective organism, on some level. And some exist in roles that thwart us or challenge us and some seem insurmountable as all hell, but in the end, they may not even realize they're blocking us, because we're unseen (as you said, though I think we're the invisible ones, the giants are quite naked to the waking eye).

All in all I found this a thought-provoking piece and a continuation of your fight to expose the system as tyrant.

Well done.
| Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the subject and the direction you took it. However, it seems like something's not there... I think you could have put more into it. Part of poetry is expressing your soul, and I think your soul is stuck right now in this poem, but it's almost at the surface. I really like it, however.

CAH

*oh, you mispelled "fuel"
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by bloody_carebear | [ Reply to This ]
  I wish I had the energy and time to mull over this piece and g ive it its deserved attention. I just had to give you some words at least, considering the comments that you have gotten here.

I really hate how people say that something seems to be written within a short amount of time as if that is a bad thing. Although the voice seems ranting and raving the image waves together tightly ... and even if you actually did write this in five minutes .. I believe that there is nothing that can replace that rawness and power of something that is created in the moment.. I for one really love the feeling of being taken into that voice that flows in the mind of the writer in that moment .. and when that rings true and speaks poetry then that speaks volumes of the bearer of that voice .. .that is you ..

I really got taken into your image of the little stalks floating like a sea .. not webbed together into any construct but just like a loosely connected cell sheath .. some strands stuck to a fatty head ...with giants stomping around, probably getting their feet cushioned by the soft sheet of fat-head stalks.. You wrap this image so well up by comparing their hills and mounds as our dreams and obstacles ..

what's lumina alumanti ? .. is it supposed to make me think iluminati ? heh .. and I can'¨t think of who morgan-stanley is now either .. normally I would look it up but I am in kind of a rush ..

I was gonna [censored] about the title .. but I kind of like it now .. it kind of does work with the theme and topic .. might have to fav this thing .. wee .. ok so be good ..come give me some attention on my board .. come oon .. gimme som lerb and saliva
| Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by x-ianhoyskolt | [ Reply to This ]
  hey, this one is pretty cool, kinda get the feeling that this was written under five minutes. another something anti-corporate-ish with disdain for the mass mentality. quite the idealist piece this is. bitter (as usual), but meaningful in its rants and rantifiety.

peace.

-pietro
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Pietro | [ Reply to This ]
  "and we shrugg in the eastern winds as if such things were normal" I really like that line.

I must admit though. I don't get the poem very well.
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Sipthefallensky | [ Reply to This ]
  Dude,

I can't beleive that you once ragged on my spelling mistakes! You know there's at least three in this one i can see at first glance.

fuel, invisible, stanley, shrug... i'm pretty sure it's rockefeller too, but i could be wrong. Non of these are American/English descrepancies either. And don't give me any crap about poetic license. I've been secretly brooding over those spelling remarks and biding my time, sure i could have taken you to task over poorly typed comments but that would have seemed spiteful and childish... now i have vengence!

Now that that's out my system, i really like this one, it paints a very sweeping landscape with a scarcity of words, not an easy thing to do. And that sparse feeling is emphasized by your line structure, loose like normal but kind of asymmetric too.

It also of gels with your latest journal entry which i really like too. I think that if your going to mash-up two pieces these might be interesting together, but probably not. It wouldn't greater than the sum of parts.

Best bits though include the parallel of 'mindlessness' and 'we belong, we belong'. That also leads to a sense of alienation but it's ambiguous enough as to who is the alien, the masses or the giants which i enjoy pondering either way.

Abzy
| Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by Abzy | [ Reply to This ]
  and we shrugg in the eastern winds as if such things were normal

Ahh I love this line but I wonder how long we have known we have a soul that needs to evolve...maybe we are more aware than we notice.

and of course who else would be good at making mountains?
Rockerfellers, of course, I've always said altruism is a form of guilt relief, but don't go after Carnegie, I love books!

This was a great idea Krista, I like how all of it fits and so simply too, another eggscellent omelet.

Nan
| Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  This is an interesting write
To me and I may be wrong I believe you were referring to how the ones with Money control over those who do not have any
This looks true but is not entirely true
People with strong minds and living with Positive energy can be just as happy or not happier then those with millions
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  WOW! i thought that this was one of the best i have ever read, who cares that you misspelled a couple words i do it all the time,. I loved the feel of it kinda like i was being controlled by some unknown force.. i really like it though and you should keep up the great work!
| Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by Mepo | [ Reply to This ]

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