Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
    • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
    • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the sickness of a societydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: s33d
    ASL Info:    16/m/cp in
    Elite Ratio:    2.22 - 27/36/14
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Misc/
    Total Views: 831
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 553



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe sickness of a societydots
    -------------------------------------------


    As I watch every step you take
    Every word you speak
    Every breath you take

    As I watch you lie
    I feel the wrath of spite
    Dangle with every word
    That drips from those vermilion colored lips

    As I watch you pass
    I think to my self
    Will you collapse when you are not on top
    But a fleeting glimpse of what you despise

    As I watch you
    I know that your conceited ways
    Will one day make you pay
    When I watch your life fade




    Submitted on 2006-02-10 19:45:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Eek, Heavy stuff going on here... like Sting, the collective Police and Satchmo all spliced their genes together and gave birth to this piece. Cool use of imagery.

    You have a few mispellings in here, and a few words that are in inappropriate usage (conceded=conceited), but on the over all, a tight piece.

    Thanks for sharing,

    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      angry poem, i sense you feel belittled by someone.....i just recognize the emotions from myself in certain circumstances, i could be wrong, anyway, it was a deep poem, and i enjoyed it.....anyway

    keep on keepin on

    Much LOve
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by eyez | [ Reply to This ]
      hello... only one minor thing i saw with the grammer and spelling area of the poem... "live" in the last stanza last line should be "life"... other than that it was a very nice poem...
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by SickenedChild | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?    		7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    90862

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry