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    dots Submission Name: the sickness of a societydots

    Author: s33d
    ASL Info:    16/m/cp in
    Elite Ratio:    2.22 - 27/36/14
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Misc/
    Total Views: 831
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 553


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    dotsthe sickness of a societydots

    As I watch every step you take
    Every word you speak
    Every breath you take

    As I watch you lie
    I feel the wrath of spite
    Dangle with every word
    That drips from those vermilion colored lips

    As I watch you pass
    I think to my self
    Will you collapse when you are not on top
    But a fleeting glimpse of what you despise

    As I watch you
    I know that your conceited ways
    Will one day make you pay
    When I watch your life fade

    Submitted on 2006-02-10 19:45:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Eek, Heavy stuff going on here... like Sting, the collective Police and Satchmo all spliced their genes together and gave birth to this piece. Cool use of imagery.

    You have a few mispellings in here, and a few words that are in inappropriate usage (conceded=conceited), but on the over all, a tight piece.

    Thanks for sharing,

    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      angry poem, i sense you feel belittled by someone.....i just recognize the emotions from myself in certain circumstances, i could be wrong, anyway, it was a deep poem, and i enjoyed it.....anyway

    keep on keepin on

    Much LOve
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by eyez | [ Reply to This ]
      hello... only one minor thing i saw with the grammer and spelling area of the poem... "live" in the last stanza last line should be "life"... other than that it was a very nice poem...
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by SickenedChild | [ Reply to This ]

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