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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Thick of My Throatdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Halston
    ASL Info:    20/female/carlsbad,ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 72/71/30
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1023
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 766



    Description:
       Written at 14


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThick of My Throatdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I never had cancer
    but the memory is there.
    You charred my lungs
    And broke our arc of smiles.
    So I stutter when I inhale

    I wrap my hands,
    tight around,
    the thick of my throat
    and feel the tension building.
    Just like you are slowly,
    with that ciggarette between your lips.

    Can you come over today
    hold my waist,
    and let your fingers, memories, and drunken slurrs rest
    in the small dwellings of my back?

    I can still feel our tension building
    something familiar is jumping from my skin,
    this isn't longing
    it's the consequence of fate
    and one drag too many,
    stuck in a lingering reverie.




    Submitted on 2006-02-10 22:39:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ah yes, one more thing... a very groovy emo pic. Much apprecaited and respected.

    Thanks for sharing once again,

    cheers!

    T
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm hip.

    in this line:
    "And broke an arc of smiles"

    'arc' seems misplaced, almost as if there's a much better word to go in here.

    The first two stanzas are wicked specific, and the last two seem to drop into a more vague, well, 'reverie.' Take a look and see if you can't make them really punch out from the page and you've got yourself one stellar piece here.

    Cheers!

    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      Lots of spelling mistakes here. I am not going through them in detail but you should always check spellings. I am tired of people saying they don't care about spelling. You may not care. Readers do.

    Despite the spellings, quite imaginative and with some good images.
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Edna Sweetlove | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm guessing that it is a combination of being addicted or attracted to someone who is bad for you but unable to help it...Indeed lust is like a disease that only has one cure.
    It's really hard to know whether this poem needs to be taken at face value or if there is underlying meaning.
    jan
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting. I am not sure by your metaphors if you mean this person is slowing killing you are that you are addicted this person. It was a good play on words and I really like the last 4 lines the most. they were what had the most impact to me. This was very well writen and a delight to read. Good job.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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