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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Crying Out To A Girldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eyez
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 4/2/1
    Words: 433
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 1400
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2449



    Description:
       just speaking my feelins, not tryna be a perfectionist, or a great poet....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrying Out To A Girldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I dont want you back any more
    But sometimes my soul cries for you
    Imagines you next to me
    With a love so pure and true

    I invisioned me and you together
    I invisioned it just us until death
    My belief in us was so strong
    I knew we'd be with every breath

    My love for your soul was water
    Water in this desert were walkin in
    I woulda, and still would die for you
    So where the heck all of your love went?

    You claimed you loved me
    But it was like you just wanted love
    I had it for you and you knew it
    So you layed in it like it was a glove

    Im now engaged to another woman
    But can I forget all about you now?
    I love this other woman with my life
    So i must just forget you some how

    Im seeing that you hate life now
    And your thinking about dying
    I want to save you I really do
    These thoughts make me think about crying

    I want to sneak in and love you
    without you knowing i was there
    Thats cuz my love is pure for you
    So I keep you in my prayers

    Life has snatched hope away from you
    But the beauty i see in your soul
    Makes tears come from mines windows
    How do I fill up this hole

    My girl doesnt want me talking to you
    And I just cant do it to her either
    She knows how in love i was with you
    And I love her enough to just die for

    Why wont you just be happy girl
    I need you to find a man who loves you
    A man who loves you like i do
    But a man youll love back with this love so true

    You were my first love, yes you were
    You didnt love me too great back
    But i knew i loved you,
    My love for you was what kept me on track

    I knew everyday we were meant to be
    My doubts had snuck up on me recently
    I still am curious if we still will end up together
    But the doubts really have eatin me

    I know your sad inside and i wish i could help
    Your sadness echos in my soul
    It puts clouds over my world
    Lightening, thunder, greyness, cold

    Because your the first girl I loved
    You showed me it really existed
    Your souls beauty is infinite
    SO PLEASE BABY, be careful with it





    Submitted on 2006-02-10 23:20:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      thats a pretty... depressing song you have there. well I thought it was perfect maybe just some typos you could fix but it was perfect. I'm sorry to "hear" that if it was true but I guess if you know you love her more then the girl your engaged to then ask her back. maybe well cya later and good luck!


    Bliss
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by emoxday | [ Reply to This ]
      A very daunting project you have here, which could be highly improved with punctuation. For example:

    I don't want you back any more,
    but sometimes my soul cries for you,
    imagines you next to me
    with a love so pure and true.

    This gives a guide toward a readers mental breath that will break up the long blocks of stanzas. Each piece will be an entity into itself.

    Overall, a groovy piece.

    Welcome to Elite!

    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]


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    90877

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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