Description: about: my open letter to the world. it's just how i feel about the place we call earth. for some reason i'm drawn to songs or poems written in letter form.
feedback: all feedback welcome.
to the world(here's my open letter) -------------------------------------------
to the world
Worn out warnings
For a life we seldom live
And here’s to the kids
Who just don’t matter
And just don’t give a shit
You’re our hope
A last ditch at redemption
As we skid
to the world
That embraced the things
We should despise
Like war
We have lost so many lives
But I guess some things
Have their price
Like oil and pride
We all bleed the same blood
to the world
Where god is a dirty word
And evolution is the gospel
Of Darwin
We’d rather live once and die
A thousand times
Than admit we’re all just sinners
Looking for his face as we drift
In this lonesome desert
to the world
That never wrote me back
I waited twenty-one years
At the mailbox of my life
I sweat your sweat
Cried your tears
Soon I’ll be a memory
Lost in the years
Of this world
To the stoners, another fix will be your king
To the parents, you fucked us up
To the preachers, hypocrite will be your requiem
To the kids, change it all
Damn, this really made me smile beyond my limit. This really, I mean really spoke to me. My favorite part was
To the stoners, another fix will be your king To the parents, you [censored]ed us up To the preachers, hypocrite will be your requiem To the kids, change it all
p.s. I never called you home.
Sincerely, Anyone
This deserves the best damn rating I can give, a 10 out of 10. This will definately be on my favorite list. Remember to spread your words like fire.
Intersting piece, and I agree with MS that there is little flow going on here. Not a bad thing, if in free verse, but by using a poetic structure piggy-backed on a letter, I would think you should consider some form or another.
Now, about this:
"Here’s my open letter to the world Worn out warnings"
With your title being "to the world", I would shave out the line from the actual poem itself, in every stanza, ie:
"Here’s my open letter Worn out warnings"
Your title is an integral piece of any poem, setting the mood or giving a clear intention as to the purpose. Just my two cents,
You seem to have trouble with your flow. And your message, be it it held truth, was more bleak, then inspiring. I think that it could of had so much more if you had of kept your flow and added something positive if you were going to adress some of this to minors. It seem like a way for you to vent. Overall, you did a good job. It came off as empty as your thought on life in this poem. I would of love to have sensed more than hopelessness. Not bad.
Submission Name: to the world(here's my open letter)
