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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: to the world(here's my open letter)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: caster
    ASL Info:    31.M.MO
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 136/280/161
    Words: 198
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 769
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1303



    Description:
       about: my open letter to the world. it's just how i feel about the place we call earth. for some reason i'm drawn to songs or poems written in letter form.

    feedback: all feedback welcome.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsto the world(here's my open letter)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    to the world
    Worn out warnings
    For a life we seldom live
    And here’s to the kids
    Who just don’t matter
    And just don’t give a shit
    You’re our hope
    A last ditch at redemption
    As we skid

    to the world
    That embraced the things
    We should despise
    Like war
    We have lost so many lives
    But I guess some things
    Have their price
    Like oil and pride
    We all bleed the same blood

    to the world
    Where god is a dirty word
    And evolution is the gospel
    Of Darwin
    We’d rather live once and die
    A thousand times
    Than admit we’re all just sinners
    Looking for his face as we drift
    In this lonesome desert

    to the world
    That never wrote me back
    I waited twenty-one years
    At the mailbox of my life
    I sweat your sweat
    Cried your tears
    Soon I’ll be a memory
    Lost in the years
    Of this world

    To the stoners, another fix will be your king
    To the parents, you fucked us up
    To the preachers, hypocrite will be your requiem
    To the kids, change it all

    p.s. I never called you home.

    Sincerely,
    Anyone




    Submitted on 2006-02-11 02:54:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Damn, this really made me smile beyond my limit. This really, I mean really spoke to me. My favorite part was

    To the stoners, another fix will be your king
    To the parents, you [censored]ed us up
    To the preachers, hypocrite will be your requiem
    To the kids, change it all

    p.s. I never called you home.

    Sincerely,
    Anyone

    This deserves the best damn rating I can give, a 10 out of 10. This will definately be on my favorite list. Remember to spread your words like fire.

    Sincerely yours with a bloody kiss,
    Naymless.
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Naymless | [ Reply to This ]
      Intersting piece, and I agree with MS that there is little flow going on here. Not a bad thing, if in free verse, but by using a poetic structure piggy-backed on a letter, I would think you should consider some form or another.

    Now, about this:

    "Here’s my open letter
    to the world
    Worn out warnings"

    With your title being "to the world", I would shave out the line from the actual poem itself, in every stanza, ie:

    "Here’s my open letter
    Worn out warnings"

    Your title is an integral piece of any poem, setting the mood or giving a clear intention as to the purpose. Just my two cents,

    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      You seem to have trouble with your flow. And your message, be it it held truth, was more bleak, then inspiring. I think that it could of had so much more if you had of kept your flow and added something positive if you were going to adress some of this to minors. It seem like a way for you to vent. Overall, you did a good job. It came off as empty as your thought on life in this poem. I would of love to have sensed more than hopelessness. Not bad.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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    90892

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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