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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Firedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: greensnake
    ASL Info:    60/female/ N.C.
    Elite Ratio:    4.17 - 770/691/75
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1266
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 620



    Description:
       The first line comes from my grand daughter who invented it as a nemonic to remember music. The line inspired somethine else in me from the moment I heard it. This was written for my cousin who was my soul mate and is dead these many years.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFiredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fire arranges chaotic embers
    Throwing shadows on your hot skin.
    But you will not have me -
    Too young and too near kin.

    Embers turn to grey ash,
    Yet your skin is hot to my touch.
    But you will not have me -
    Too young and too near kin.

    Fire arranges chaotic embers
    Your touch was like a burning brand.
    You should have taken me
    Though too young and too near kin.

    Embers turn to grey ash.
    Your skin is cold these many years
    Yet I feel your touch still
    Though no longer young and still close kin.




    Submitted on 2006-02-11 09:45:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem carries a great sense of sadness in it's lines. The repetition work well here. Societial taboos. Intresting how they come about. I'm guessing it was created by the royal families own inherited weakness from marrying in the same gene pools over and over. Yet poe through caution to the wind and married his cousin.

    Also thanks for tanking the time to read my last peace. I seldom write anymore because with my third shift schedule it's hard just too try and get sleep. I don't blame her for the kiss she knew how i felt and I think she was trying to feel something. She loves me in a different way and I love her the same. Perhaps he shares the same fondness for you.
    | Posted on 2006-09-18 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very complex and emotion poem you have here. These feelings must have been so difficult and totally frustrating for you to experience. I cant say I know this feeling first hand as I have never been in this exact situation but I do know how it feels to want what you cant have and it really sucks. Not only does this poem speak of frustration and desire but also of loss as this person has left your life for eternity. It is never easy to deal with the loss from death. That one I know really well. I have lost so many dear to me and it is so hard. This poem is really something. It is so personal to you and so open about your feelings that you really have impressed me. Very well done. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is lovely Lynne, it has a compelling intense grip promoted well by the repetition. The fire imagery,- flames, heat, embers, ashes, are all metaphors in their own right and this adds to that mystic spiritual feel. While there is a dark overtone here, it is dark as an ancient cathedral was dark, -with a presence of spirit and the pervading flicker of candlelight,-there is love and hope and faith threaded through every line.
    Just beautiful Lynne.
    Sally
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      This sorta reminds me of Romeo and Juliet, young and in love, and their love was forbidden. This was nicely written and I enjoyed reading it.
    DJ
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Doris Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      Actually this whole thing made me think about themes of fantasy or medieval litterature. Two people falling in love, and realize that they cant be with oneanother, since they are too closely related. Forbidden love.. Hmm... It made me sad. These things always does.

    Well written and very lovely.
    Loads of touches.. Lol.. :)
    No.. Really it was great.
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by ChrystalR | [ Reply to This ]
      Doing what is right and what is proper does not diminish the heat of love's fire. This is edgy in the way it plays on the borders of taboo.

    I love the intensity and repetition that keeps it ever licking at the corners of the reader's mind.

    Very well written and I suppose brave in a way.

    Thanks for letting us sit by this fire of passion for a time.

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great way to explain a love that never came to be. I get a sense that your excitement in him overcame the obvious reasons it was forbidden especially in the line,
    "Your touch was like a burning brand.'
    I think this poem is great, and as I recently told another member, NC has produced the most beautiful writers.

    ~Angie
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by faln_angl | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great write. I love the repeating lines and the over all effect of the poem. Relating love to fire, warmth, and ash made a great image and I enjoyed reading it.
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Alura | [ Reply to This ]
      After what everyone else said there isn't much that I can say, but that I agree. This poem made me stop and just think. This poem greatly deserves a 10 out of 10.

    Sincerely yours with a bloody kiss,
    Naymless.
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Naymless | [ Reply to This ]
      Very powerful and very touching piece I must say Lynn. So often we loose our loved ones much too early it seems and still we can have a sense of them being with us I think just through caring. To me this poem shows just how caring a person you are.
    Nice write,
    !doc'
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      A great deal of heaviness in this piece, from the issue being investigated and the use of language. The entire piece really comes togetah and is absolutely gorgeous.

    I always appreciate well-thought-out structure, and the surgical precision of your repeat lines is marvelous.

    Thanks for the read and for sharing!

    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very touching piece in my point of view and I have to say I like it a lotbut I feel that the line maybe should of said "Though no longer young yet still close kin) instead of the (and ) because it kind of throws it off there for a moment ,but then thats just my take on it very well done keep up the good works
    adni
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      Fire arranges chaotic embers
    Throwing shadows on your hot skin.

    i love these lines.. beautiful images in my mind..

    there is that "forbidden" feeling here, and yet you
    cannot stop the emotions.. they come as they
    do. a very thoughtful and intense write, Lynn.

    peace&love,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Well, this reminds me of something I've read before,but, I can't place where. This isn't a repost is it? Don't matter, I would just like to remember...well, maybe not. Anyway it is a good write and I enjoyed the read. You sure have me wondering now!
    !doc'
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]


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