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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: a title would give it awaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AngelOutlaw
    ASL Info:    19/female/WA
    Elite Ratio:    4.37 - 672/392/64
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 241
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 950



    Description:
       This is the begining, there will be more, but I want to know how it is so far. I know you don't know what it's about, so just take it for what it is right now, and let me know how I can make it better. Thanks!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa title would give it awaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    You know how you feel
    When you're living in
    The week of rain following
    That month of straight sun?
    The first day it rains,
    You're relieved.
    The sun is great,
    But rain is good too!
    The third and fourth days,
    It's fine, but now, rain or shine,
    Really doesn't matter.
    By the end of the week, though,
    You really want the sun back,
    Then the weatherman tells you
    To expect more showers.
    Darn.

    Then there's that relief
    Of that major paper being due.
    You were dreading it,
    More than anything,
    But now, it's here.
    You're relieved, because soon,
    It will all be over.
    The paper was due yesterday,
    You turned it in,
    You're good to go,
    Until two days later
    Your teacher announces
    Next quarter's paper.
    Crap.




    Submitted on 2006-02-11 13:17:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Definitely a prose piece, bordering here and there on free verse.

    You're using great subjects for the theme, and it works well with the form you've chosen. Your readers will be able to easily associate with what you're talking about.

    Thanks for sharing!
    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      akward flow. to me at least. but i still liked it. i agree with u on this one. it's like it never stops. as soon as u do something and start to feel a sense of accomplishment, more [censored] just starts piling up. oh yeah. sorry bout all the PMs. i can't help it. elite is pretty addicting
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      It was good. When I started to read it, honestly, I was like well I think this might be crap, but no. I read it and I liked it. All of the phrases and stanzas avoided awkwardness. I like the way it's going. I like the message. We can never be satisfied for more than a moment. There is always going to be something eating away our happiness.
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by bonita2689 | [ Reply to This ]
      i think you did a good job writing- the only line that doesn't seem to fit is "the paper was due yesterday". it messes up the hopeful rising of the stanza to the part where the next paper is assigned.
    :) i'm not alone! i'm not the only person whose stupid crazy teacher assignes big projects continuously!
    thank you ! you gave me a lot of hope today
    -Vas
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by hey.you | [ Reply to This ]


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