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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Softdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 830
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 389



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSoftdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Soft, ageless and as perfect as an angel's skin,
    gentle, careful and cautious as a newborn's nurse.
    smooth as melted chocolate, sweet as nearly hard cider,
    quiet as the shore of a frozen lake

    I take on the character of the space
    and then within the sanctuary of love
    kneel reverently at the altar
    of your memory.




    Submitted on 2006-02-11 16:59:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Picking up on the comment by abuzzbuzz92 this seems like two seperate poems:


    Soft, ageless and as perfect as an angel's skin,
    gentle, careful and cautious as a newborn's nurse.
    smooth as melted chocolate, sweet as nearly hard cider

    seems an extract from one and

    quiet as the shore of a frozen lake

    I take on the character of the space
    and then within the sanctuary of love
    kneel reverently at the altar
    of your memory.

    Seems like the completion of another. Both would make wonderful poems.
    love and peace
    nessie

    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      definately good, but i think that it can get better
    I think that both the verses don't fit in too well with each other... i really don't know how to explain... i can tell you what i liked about both the verses though
    1st. verse:
    I like similies... I love good similies... I LOVE your similies
    in this verse, i liked the imagery you revealed about the perfection of this person
    2nd. verse
    This verse was almost flawless. The wording was stunning, and i mean that... good job

    "kneel reverently at the altar "
    =
    "I kneel reverently at the altar"

    I think that this sounds better

    Overall, this was a well worded and described write
    Keep it up
    John*
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      A very sweet love poem, with a spectacular attention to the singular idea of tenderness.

    I was especially grooving on this line:

    smooth as melted chocolate, sweet as nearly hard cider,
    quiet as the shore of a frozen lake

    Thanks for sharing!

    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      very tender, Chrystine.

    I take on the character of the space
    and then within the sanctuary of love
    kneel reverently at the altar
    of your memory.

    this is a beautiful place to be in, remembering with
    reverence the love. i can relate very well to
    this. after all has been said and done and the
    pain has ebbed, the love is remembered and
    cherished in the heart.

    thank you for the reminder.

    peace&blessings,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a very deep and emotional write. It had at first stumped me. I had to read what others thought and reread this and concur you are recalling a love ones memory as in this very powerful and touching moment at the altar. Strong use of imagery, and perfect connecting of words. This was so wonderful to read.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      I wasn't quite sure just where the description was going in the first stanza because the transitions between images seemed odd, however they each make sense after reading the second...it pulls everything together in a lonely kind of way.
    jan
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      at first I was just immersed in the images but when I got to the second stanza I saw where you were going with it and really identified with it. it's sort of like you lowered the boom in the second stanza and did a great job of it too! very nice poem Chrystine.
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, this reads like a eulogy to a perfect love distilled to an essence of analogies to all things tingling and seasonal (a newborn spring, a winter pond, a nurses caress like a summer leaf). Perhaps you didn't intend anything of the kind, but these are the images we gather and choose to remember in our quiet cocoon as anger is banished. Nicely done, and a moving work. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      memories do tend to be perfect, or maybe its because the one we treasure seem to stick out the most, anyway I felt this a wonderful write saying it in allvery wonderful short verse thanks for the read
    adnil
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a beautiful way to describe remembering someone.
    I couldn't put into words how I remember my lovely.
    Believe me though, I tried.
    amazing words

    Blessed Be!
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Sarah Leger | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow!
    Chrystine this is some deep write
    I really like this
    I believe this is different from the other writes of yours I read
    This has an almost mystical feel to it
    I really like this
    Where in the world did this come from?
    I loved It!
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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