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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Amaredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sarah Leger
    ASL Info:    15.f.kissimmee,Fl
    Elite Ratio:    3.74 - 436/387/80
    Words: 291
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1267
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1960



    Description:
       to love


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    dotsAmaredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear Diary,
    Looking through the pages
    My life I see
    Looking through the pages
    A girl trying to be me
    Hopes
    Dreams
    Hurts
    Rage
    Brings tears to my eye
    And I turn the page

    A song with no chorus
    A beat with no sound
    Caught in a circle
    Passed around
    Tuck her away
    In eternnity's back pocket
    the memory of love
    hair kept in a locket
    Adored by those who don't understand
    Amidst the tragedy she learned to "stand"
    Her own two feet
    Wobbly
    Standing unstill
    She found no hope
    Only a thrill

    Looking through the pages
    Reading in my mind
    She was knocked out
    A blow from behind
    Wake in a street
    Water drips on her face
    The sun bearing down
    In the chill she did bake
    Broken
    Bleeding
    Her cries made not a sound
    It was nobody's business
    No one was around

    Flip some more
    Past the hurt and decay
    Dear Diary,
    I met my love today.
    Wrong was she
    Far was he.
    Tears well up and I cry
    So much passion
    Not too much to die

    Skip farther
    No reason to see
    I don't need reminding
    of who he offered to help me be
    A new guy
    Baby on the way
    So much joy
    does she feel today
    So much past
    So much to hide
    Yet he sees
    Everytime she cried
    Step up
    Take the future like a man?
    No
    Step up
    Its time to really stand.
    Last page
    The end of this story
    Let go of the rage
    To replace with hope
    Unconditional love
    Both hands on the rope
    Its apparent that now she does see

    Last page
    She writes a poem
    Of who I want to be.




    Submitted on 2006-02-11 17:08:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This is such an imaginative way of expression. This touched my heart, and brought tears to my face.

    'Dear Diary,
    I met my love today.
    Wrong was she
    Far was he.'

    That has got to be my favorite part of the whole piece. I feel like reading my old journals and laughing...and crying over what a fool I was.

    Ciao,
    ~Angie
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by faln_angl | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it. It seemed to really mean something to you when you wrote it, or at least that was the vibe I was getting.

    With Love-
    Devon.
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Thinkingofyou | [ Reply to This ]
      Sarah,
    I haven't stopped by in a while and I'm glad I was this tonight. First of all I like how you go back and view your life through your diary...yes there was a lot of bad but you always held onto hope.
    There were parts that read a little too abrupt...like you needed to leave the small words and articles to connect so that it reads smoothly...not jerk your reader to the next line and image (which were very good by the way).
    Here are a couple of places that stood out to me:
    Looking through the pages
    (There's)A girl trying to be me
    Hopes
    Dreams
    Hurts
    Rage
    Brings tears to my eye(Brings should be Bring)

    Amidst the tragedy she learned to "stand"(on)
    Her own two feet (it was hard to tell if you wanted these lines together or separate without punctuation)

    Wrong was she
    Far was he.(It far the best word? Far in what sense distance or was he aloof or just far from right?)
    There are also a few verbs that the tense feels wrong...Wakes in the street...Every time she's cried.
    This is really quite good in all with just a few little things that would make it better...not so disconnected.
    jan
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      damn that's a nice write, a little long but it's very personal and full of what i'd like to think as personal brilliance. nice job
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by onepieces | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this in the light of your last journal entry.

    I like the way you projected it onto the diary pages. It moves well through that form.

    The images are intense and real.

    Nice work.

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this poem almost left me speachless. God, it was so good! I love how you used the diary thing and how you were flipping through the pages of it. That's what pulled me into it. You'd be crazy not to comment. Great write.
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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