Description: Well...I'm not sure really where this came from tonight. But to summarize...I've always been one of them people to view life as a game...something that we act as if we have a goal in the end and hit road blocks on the way. Sometimes we make a wrong move, but we learn from it. So I guess that this is maybe where I got all of this from.
I really want people to tell me what they think of this. This is the pure form of it, exactly how I wrote it in the first place. Honest opinions please.
Roll the dice
Play your cards right
Maybe something good will come of this
The dice, the cards
Both lie in the hands of Fate
Simply pawns on the chess board
We make our moves
One at a time
Each step taken
Lands us on an other square
Of unfamiliar territory
Slowly we work our way across the board
Until we knock the king
Out of his not quite
Rightful place
Working our way
Back and forth across the board
Searching for the ladders
And avoiding the snakes
Eventually we'll make it through
We'll win the game
But yet an other one
Will be soon to follow
hey. . .well I really like this one Jess. The flow of it is awesome. I like all the references to real board games (especially the snakes and ladders one) The last one I'm not too crazy about, and the final line "A never-ending tournament" it seem a little like an after thought. . .but I really love the rest of it. The first stanza creates alot of imagery (which if ya know me I love it) and it's really awesome!
well, the last stanza and the line following it seem a little unnecessary. the point is a good one, i like the chess king reference. one other thing i wonder if you've noticed is how the lines grow and shrink, in a way suggesting that the very poem is in competition with itself, and must continue adding or subtracting words every line to win whatever game it's playing. that sounds odd, i'm sure. as before, the point is a good one. it feels like it hasn't really gone below the surface though. life is a game in my opinion as well, but how about adding some personal games you play with the people around you? something like how i come to know someone so well i can say something to them, count to five in my head and *boom* there's the expected response i knew was coming. like my dad. (hello? what's this?) heh heh that [censored] makes me laugh all the time and he doesn't even know he's playing the game. ah, well, i ramble. all humans play games, most of which they feel they must win at all costs or they're not worthy of attention or respect. so you're onto something really good. enjoyed it. peace out.
I liked everything except the last two stanzas. It was really good and i could relate cuz i know how it is to view life as an all time occuring game. its kinda cool...the view, the poem is very cool.
i like this alot. ur right. life just seems to be a never ending game where u gotta make the right moves, avoid the bad, take it step by step. i like how you wrote this. i like how each stanza is a different game and u didnt just make it one big stanza. keep up the good work!
The first three blocks of this are great. The statement is fresh and the way you bring it to life is solid. You've done a good job picking games that most people are familiar with, at least in concept.
The close of the piece is good, but not as good as the rest. It seems a little like you're running out of steam, so you went with a generic wrap up kind of an ending. I think I would play with using the Chess part of the poem as your ending. Maybe you chuck the current ending and move the Chess part below the Ladders and Snakes part. Then you'll be ending with Slowly we work our way across the board Until we knock the king Out of his not quite Rightful place which to me seems like a victorious ending.
Alternatively, you might explore death a bit. If you can find a game reference that hooks up with your personal beliefs on death, that could make a very powerful ending.
Submission Name: Metaphorically Speaking
