Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Observerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 137/243/158
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 886
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1051



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsObserverdots
    -------------------------------------------


    No candles, cakes and birthdays,
    No time to wish for, I forgot
    To rush against the stooping midnight,
    And close my eyes and agonize in wants.

    It slipped by suddenly, blinking, winking
    Grimace of movies and pigeonholes,
    I took a dip into the snowy fat winter day
    And emerged on the other side, freshly painted,
    With sunshine dripping through my toes.

    My eyes turned blue, and melancholy
    Grew the streets, with stars and moon upon them,
    Tossing frivolities of innocence
    Between their debonair legs.

    Sobriety changed colors - in the twist
    Of pearly white madness, addiction
    Changed places with an old lady in violet
    And moth eaten furs.

    I took leave from the edge of the world,
    So hard to keep focused, took release
    From the suppressing cleanliness of sheets,
    I slipped between the boastful mirrors,
    In ice and anguish of the ages.








    Submitted on 2006-02-12 02:06:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      These lines:

    I took a dip into the snowy fat winter day
    And emerged on the other side, freshly painted,
    With sunshine dripping through my toes.

    steal me. I mean, I COMPLETELY love them. They are so carefree. So great... I loved the line about sobriety too. You have great word choice and placement. I haven't received the chance to look at more of your writing but I'm sure I will.
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by bonita2689 | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is not what I'd call ambiguous, it just seems to hold a deep meaning few would think of. I think this could refer to more than one thing, and that is what a good poem is all about.

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    90997

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    To written by SavedDragon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    untitled written by Chelebel
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Push written by JanePlane
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Incubus written by monad
    Giving written by jjd
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry