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I wrap my arms around her.
Resting my head on her shoulder.
I breathe in deeply
and inhale her scent
I look at her cute button nose and smile.
She is Mine.
I will love her forever.
I love the way she speaks.
I love her body
I love her soul and all that she is.
Our late night talks,
Kissign in teh snow,
Sneaking out to see each other,
I truely love this girl.
| I would have to agree...This poem has potential but needs some serious work...I mean great you love her but I do not see why..why is she so great...what does he scent remind you of...think of specific memory that shows why you love her... remeber SHOW DONT TELL!||| Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by haileebobailee | [ Reply to This ] || i can feel the emotion behind this, and its cute. its always nice to see how people feel about their boyfriends/girlfriends whatever. it doesn't flow , and its not anythign that really stands out to me, but it simply explain how u feel about someone, and sometimes thats all u really need||| Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by jen531 | [ Reply to This ] || i have to agree. this one needs a lot of work. i liked the idea though. love is kinda a weird feeling to explain. but when you're in love nothing really matters. i liked the title. a simple, yet intriguing one.|
this poem breaks down in a lot of places. how about not telling the second stanza,but instead EVOKING it. i mean don't say that you will love her forever. but evoke that feeling somehow. it would be really hekpful if you charted out a structure, because otherwise it just seems like it's hanging in the air.
this certainly has a lot of potential. just develop it.
|| Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ] |