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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Thunderdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: necrotic
    ASL Info:    18/f/New York City, Baby!
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 198/94/33
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 366
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 959



    Description:
       I just thought this up and I entered it in a contest and then i mean to put my other one on here that i entered but nooo i had to go off and forget so now its gone.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThunderdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Thunder
    Blisters form on darkened skin.
    My mind thinks of deathly sin.
    My hands are bleeding.
    My body's needing.
    The world casts shadows upon my face.
    The spirits are gone without a trace.
    And thunder rolls against the wind.
    To the ground, my arms are pinned.
    Leaving the sun is rays that die.
    My eyes are trying hard to cry.
    Wash my face with yellow tears.
    Run away, all my fears.
    Dreams have held my screams so tight.
    I'm awake through all the night.
    Lightening follows thunder right away.
    Nights will never fade to day.
    Shadows creep as rain falls fast.
    Many times the day has past.
    Stars are hiding behind the sky.
    I never ask my mind why.
    I can't dream about the sun.
    Not until the war is won.
    Against my blankets, flashes light.
    Listening the thunder through the night.




    Submitted on 2006-02-12 16:18:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      yo this poem is written mad cool. Thunder scares me quite a bit. so im a-feeling the words u used.



    peace

    Grim
    | Posted on 2007-07-31 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
      once again i've fallen in love with a piece of art you've written...you have this tender dark side that i love...although i haven't particularly been able to relate to some of your other writes...but anyway this is well written and all together a pleasure to read...
    | Posted on 2006-05-01 00:00:00 | by suicidalacts72 | [ Reply to This ]
      WHAT THE F.UCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PPL, JUST ONE F.UCKING COMMENT!?!?! This was good, I dont get why ppl dont comment. I like the way the way the description of the thunderstorm kinda sounds like you're describing your own fear and depression, how you want to make it throught the night. It was good. I love the beginning, it just pulls you in "blisters on darkened skin", i love that. I also love this line here

    "Wash my face with yellow tears."

    This is brilliant. It gives off a feeling of disgust but at the same time, one of pain and suffering, i love that line. If i can let me tell you some things that could be changed to make the poem sound better.

    "Leaving the sun is rays that die."

    I think it would have sounded a lot better if you said something like

    "The sun shooting rays that die" or something like that, it would sound go better with your tone. Ok, i think i wrote a lot, well i hope that help make this awesome poem even better, peace.
    | Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      I have read your poem over quite a few times now and have some parts that I really like. I understand the concept that your writing. I am not the best writer nor commenter, I'm learning as well. Mind my inexperience, but my general impression as a whole was positive. I think that you portray darkness and fear pretty well through a thunderstorm. Good work.
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by Candale-Switch | [ Reply to This ]



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