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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ...You and Me.....dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: diamonds_2_dust
    ASL Info:    15/m/Eugene Oregon
    Elite Ratio:    3.47 - 105/161/35
    Words: 247
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 192
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1566



    Description:
       I decided to pay a visit and respects....... i felt so wierd talking to a headstone... i wish i could have crawled into that casket and been burried with her... but she told me that i'd be something great... i don't want to call her a lier. I just started crying and letting it out... I wrote this. I left the original on her grave with some flowers. I changed it alittle. Just because i made the original especially for her...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots...You and Me.....dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Walk'n down the hallway at school
    spit on the shoes of kids act'n cool
    i am fixated by a girl walking past
    then out of no where, she grabs my ass
    then off she goes
    and i never see her again
    i just head behind the school
    and hang with my friends

    i called up all my friends
    saying "let's go to the beach
    bring your snacks, blankets
    stereos and favorite cd's
    we'll bring all our guitars
    sleep on top of our cars
    and spend the night
    just like rock stars

    Then the tide comes in
    and we all freak out
    you just sit there
    you laugh and shout.

    you lived every day to it's fullest
    and left nothing to chance
    you taught me guitar, your favorite songs
    and even how to dance

    But the stars were jeleous
    of the love we had for each other
    and so your brilliant light
    was then smuthered

    we had a good run,
    we had a good time
    you gave me your heart
    and i gave you mine
    you taught me to live
    and what to do before i die
    i just wish i could have the light
    i saw in your eyes

    That's the light
    that was coveted by the stars
    they could never shine as bright
    no matter how hard
    they were jeleous
    cause they'd never be
    able to shine like

    ...you and me...







    Submitted on 2006-02-12 19:41:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I loved it . you have great word choise aand amazing flow. This brought back memories of my old love Jon .
    great write
    sk
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by stormkrow | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sorry for you that you have to deal with this terrible loss. A friend of mine died almost 2 weeks ago, but I was less close to her than you were to your girl. I hope that you will make something of your future, because she knows you can.This poem came straight from the heart and it really made me emotional. I read your poem earlier this day, but I had no time to leave any comments but I realy want you to know I feel sorry for you and that I find your poem touching.
    Good Luck, DZ
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
      I find this piece especially touching. I can almost hear someone singing this while a guitar plays a sad melody in the background.

    Aside from the minor spelling mistakes this piece was well written and conveyed a very deep level of personal emotion, that can often be tricky to accurately convey. Especially when it's on such a personal note. You did a very good job and i enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing!

    Meow!
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by lynxstarfire | [ Reply to This ]
      Loren,
    It's an excellent piece. There are a few spelling errors, but that's easily mended. this really touched me because I have alot of friends that are cutters, and one in particular almost succeeded in suicide last year. I really like the line that said:
    "you gave me your heart
    and i gave you mine
    you taught me to live
    and what to do before i die"
    That's wonderful. I am sorry for the context that this poem came from, but it was done beautifully. Lookin foward to more from you, Torie
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by lebeauvide | [ Reply to This ]



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