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...You and Me.....


Author: diamonds_2_dust
ASL Info:    15/m/Eugene Oregon
Elite Ratio:    3.47 - 105 /161 /35
Words: 247
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1084
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1566



Description:


I decided to pay a visit and respects....... i felt so wierd talking to a headstone... i wish i could have crawled into that casket and been burried with her... but she told me that i'd be something great... i don't want to call her a lier. I just started crying and letting it out... I wrote this. I left the original on her grave with some flowers. I changed it alittle. Just because i made the original especially for her...


...You and Me.....



Walk'n down the hallway at school
spit on the shoes of kids act'n cool
i am fixated by a girl walking past
then out of no where, she grabs my ass
then off she goes
and i never see her again
i just head behind the school
and hang with my friends

i called up all my friends
saying "let's go to the beach
bring your snacks, blankets
stereos and favorite cd's
we'll bring all our guitars
sleep on top of our cars
and spend the night
just like rock stars

Then the tide comes in
and we all freak out
you just sit there
you laugh and shout.

you lived every day to it's fullest
and left nothing to chance
you taught me guitar, your favorite songs
and even how to dance

But the stars were jeleous
of the love we had for each other
and so your brilliant light
was then smuthered

we had a good run,
we had a good time
you gave me your heart
and i gave you mine
you taught me to live
and what to do before i die
i just wish i could have the light
i saw in your eyes

That's the light
that was coveted by the stars
they could never shine as bright
no matter how hard
they were jeleous
cause they'd never be
able to shine like

...you and me...







Submitted on 2006-02-12 19:41:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I loved it . you have great word choise aand amazing flow. This brought back memories of my old love Jon .
great write
sk
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by stormkrow | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm sorry for you that you have to deal with this terrible loss. A friend of mine died almost 2 weeks ago, but I was less close to her than you were to your girl. I hope that you will make something of your future, because she knows you can.This poem came straight from the heart and it really made me emotional. I read your poem earlier this day, but I had no time to leave any comments but I realy want you to know I feel sorry for you and that I find your poem touching.
Good Luck, DZ
| Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
  I find this piece especially touching. I can almost hear someone singing this while a guitar plays a sad melody in the background.

Aside from the minor spelling mistakes this piece was well written and conveyed a very deep level of personal emotion, that can often be tricky to accurately convey. Especially when it's on such a personal note. You did a very good job and i enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing!

Meow!
| Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by lynxstarfire | [ Reply to This ]
  Loren,
It's an excellent piece. There are a few spelling errors, but that's easily mended. this really touched me because I have alot of friends that are cutters, and one in particular almost succeeded in suicide last year. I really like the line that said:
"you gave me your heart
and i gave you mine
you taught me to live
and what to do before i die"
That's wonderful. I am sorry for the context that this poem came from, but it was done beautifully. Lookin foward to more from you, Torie
| Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by lebeauvide | [ Reply to This ]


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