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    dots Submission Name: Tents and Temptationsdots

    Author: haileebobailee
    ASL Info:    18/F/NV
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 30/41/15
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 739
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 871

       I wrote this poem after a very intersting camping trip..He is still one of my best friends and he no longer has a girlfriend...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTents and Temptationsdots

    I was always pretty to you in the dark.
    The blonde haired blue eyed
    poster of perfection,
    with his girlfriend
    who has too many boundries.

    I the friend with too few
    let an empty tent
    and temptation get us here.
    A cigarette in your left hand
    and the night air in the other.

    Laying next to me in silence
    you never said you were sorry.
    That was always your greatest weapon.

    You handed me
    orange soda and vodka,
    and then sat by the fire
    and let me drown myself in it.

    You tell me it never happened
    with a wink and nod,
    but I know it did
    a one night stand with no emotion.

    I am ashamed
    as you sing along to the radio,
    and I fall asleep
    to the musics slow tempo

    Submitted on 2006-02-13 02:22:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hailee, this is great...I love your writing.

    'A cigarette in your left hand
    and the night air in the other.'

    Even though you didn't dare to, these two little lines say that you wished he would have held you instead of a smoke and nothing.
    I hope he is as good a friend as you are, and even if he doesn't say it aloud, that he too feels shame for putting you thru that.

    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by faln_angl | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really great. the metaphors were awesome, and i felt as if i could actually see it happeneing. its a typical scenario but with the perfect personal spin on it it manages to not be overdone.. lovely

    the girl who would never just say hi
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      Ouch? This brings up a memory from the past I'd rather forget.

    But you say he's still a a friend. You yourself muct be a pretty strong person, unless you also wanted it as it was.

    Anyway. Intersting write. The only thing I notice is in the 3rd verse, you have only 3 sentences, which doens't necesarily take from the flow, however, if you added perhaps a little more to it, it may make the flow even better. Just my thoughts. Still a a good write!
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by nicklacymatthew | [ Reply to This ]

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