[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Tents and Temptationsdots

    Author: haileebobailee
    ASL Info:    18/F/NV
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 30/41/15
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 729
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 871

       I wrote this poem after a very intersting camping trip..He is still one of my best friends and he no longer has a girlfriend...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTents and Temptationsdots

    I was always pretty to you in the dark.
    The blonde haired blue eyed
    poster of perfection,
    with his girlfriend
    who has too many boundries.

    I the friend with too few
    let an empty tent
    and temptation get us here.
    A cigarette in your left hand
    and the night air in the other.

    Laying next to me in silence
    you never said you were sorry.
    That was always your greatest weapon.

    You handed me
    orange soda and vodka,
    and then sat by the fire
    and let me drown myself in it.

    You tell me it never happened
    with a wink and nod,
    but I know it did
    a one night stand with no emotion.

    I am ashamed
    as you sing along to the radio,
    and I fall asleep
    to the musics slow tempo

    Submitted on 2006-02-13 02:22:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hailee, this is great...I love your writing.

    'A cigarette in your left hand
    and the night air in the other.'

    Even though you didn't dare to, these two little lines say that you wished he would have held you instead of a smoke and nothing.
    I hope he is as good a friend as you are, and even if he doesn't say it aloud, that he too feels shame for putting you thru that.

    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by faln_angl | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really great. the metaphors were awesome, and i felt as if i could actually see it happeneing. its a typical scenario but with the perfect personal spin on it it manages to not be overdone.. lovely

    the girl who would never just say hi
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      Ouch? This brings up a memory from the past I'd rather forget.

    But you say he's still a a friend. You yourself muct be a pretty strong person, unless you also wanted it as it was.

    Anyway. Intersting write. The only thing I notice is in the 3rd verse, you have only 3 sentences, which doens't necesarily take from the flow, however, if you added perhaps a little more to it, it may make the flow even better. Just my thoughts. Still a a good write!
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by nicklacymatthew | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Fasade written by jackz
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    Yes written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]