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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rhyme of Decisondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Forgiven
    ASL Info:    38/F/Florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 339/335/100
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 1968
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 939



    Description:
       just funny thoughts, its monday...c'mon!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRhyme of Decisondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Life in its journey
    Has taken me to this road

    Marry the prince
    Or kiss the toad

    The toad has money
    And the prince had his throne

    Yet inside the swamp
    I bitch and moan

    And then the castle
    Away in the sand

    Loneliness and emptiness
    Full in my hand

    With the destination unhappy
    I wander the woods

    The big bad Wolfe
    Waiting for me in my hood

    I want no basket
    With your goodies to bring

    No stupid melody
    Of the song to sing

    I think I'll go bother
    The lady in the shoe

    With all her children
    Surley she will know what to do.

    But instead it is turmoil
    And she’s never has time


    I'll just lie beside the valley
    And finish my rhyme




    Submitted on 2006-02-13 09:39:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      and fall asleep like rumplestilskin!

    this is clever and funny...and yes who better to ask for advice...the woman in the shoe with so many kids she didn't know what to do...

    i like the little red riding hood part..

    this brings out the child in me...yet is very sexy in its analogies...like a hidden..agenda the same as the wolf had...glows from under the candle of this that we see...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-23 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      This was entertaining and would be almost humorous if it wasn't for the fact that it had some outstanding metaphors in it (and I mean that in a flattering way)! This was a delightful walk through some of the lifechoices one must make or consider!
    | Posted on 2008-01-26 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very original and entertaining .. i loved it! it had a very nice flow and good rhyming. im adding this one to my favorites!

    keep up the good writing
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by jen531 | [ Reply to This ]
      THIS WAS NICE I ALSO LIKED THE WAY YOU USED YOUR IMAGINATION TO INCORPORATE ALL OF THE DIFFERENT FAIRY TALES SO I GIVE IT A 6 FOR CREATIVITY
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by always thinking | [ Reply to This ]
      This was different. i like you used those fairytale charecters and interweeved them into a fun piece. I liked it. Nice wording by the way.

    Saitn Kairo
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Saint | [ Reply to This ]
      The only critique I have for this is your repetition of the word "but" in the 3rd through 5th stanza's. None of those lines should really begin with that word at all let alone all three of them in a row...

    Otherwise, nice job and a good, refreshing light topic for the day...thanks!

    Take care,

    ~B~
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      I liek how you incorporated all the fairytales in. You made a few grama errors and need to recheck and make sure you keep the same tence throughout all the lines.
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Alura | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...to have wealth or to have love? Hmmm...I prefer love then wealth will build off that, ya know? Nice rhyme and I think you did a fine job of making it flow throughout the entire piece. Very dreamy, ya know?
    Thanks for sharing!
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Your spell check missed 'surly' (a word itself) when you meant surely. Otherwise an adorable and very clever poem. I'll add it to my favorites and let you know when I post a similar story I like to tell. It's a bit twisted. Again, very cute and clever.

    ~scienceyear~
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by scienceyear | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, this was funny. I like fairy tales . It was original, never seen it before. Not childish, i think you still ha a message.
    little comment: some lines need some more connection, maybe put some extra lines to connect them better.
    DZ
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
      MUCH better with the editing...so happy you felt my advice to be worth listening to...sometimes people just tell me to go stuff myself...LOL

    Take care,

    ~B~
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      Mmmm while there is nothing wrong with the roles we play as women, you seen to have managed the best of all, the poet. This is cute, Denise, I enjoyed the way you roam through the decisions we make about life and do so in a way that entertains.

    So next time you're having these silly thoughts again, will you write them down and share with us? Hope everyone is well at your house, sending love,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good
    You spelled out for us your readers life from a womans point of view
    Though I am a male I understand where you are coming from with this write
    Very Nicely written
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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