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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tomorrow Never Comesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nicklacymatthew
    ASL Info:    31/F/WI
    Elite Ratio:    5 - 105/97/37
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1064
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 973



    Description:
       I have no idea why I wrote this. I don't even remember the emotions behind it. So I put it here to get input. Any ideas?

    It's weird. Sometimes I read it, it makes perfect sense. Then sometimes I read it and I think.. WHAT???

    Your thougths???


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTomorrow Never Comesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Every day is a tomorrow,
    From someone's yesterday.
    But tomorrow never comes,
    So they're still waiting for today.

    Every day is a tomorrow,
    From someone's forgotten past.
    And every promise made tomorrow,
    Is a memory that just won't last.

    Every day is a tomorrow,
    Of a promise from before.
    A promise for tomorrow,
    When that's what you're searching for.

    With every day that passes,
    Our tomorrows seem to be lost.
    Our yesterdays are forgotten,
    And our todays pay the cost.

    Every day is a tomorrow,
    And yesterday is gone.
    So they can promise tomorrow forever,
    Because they have today to live on.

    Every day is a tomorrow,
    And yet, tomorrow never comes by.
    It seems that we always say tomorrow,
    We'll give it another try.




    Submitted on 2006-02-13 10:23:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      "And our todays pay the cost." could better be put as "And our todays shall pay the cost.", I think.

    "We'll give it another try."

    As an ending line, this should be bold, profound even, but I simply found it boring. "until the day we die" isn't very exciting but it could be substituted. Anyway, it's your poem and you're the one tryig to get your point across so you can decide what to do there, if anything. Just my humble opinion. ;)

    Good work.

    Vintage Emotion. :heart:
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Vintage Emotion | [ Reply to This ]
      Again wonderful poem and yes it makes perfect sense. After all "yesterday's dreams are today's realities and today's dreams are tomorrow's realities". What we forget though is that today exists now and that yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. What we have of tomorrow are only hopes, yesterday brings only memories and today brings experience. Remember yesterday, live today and dream of tomorrow. Wonderful poem and I agree with Joking it was straight to the point.
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]
      Although it is simplistic in the languaage, I have added it to my list of favorites. I agree with JoKing that you could add more to the poem with deeper images to get your message across. I can see what you are trying to say, but you need more substance. Nevertheless I feel that you can write well.
    Ms. Gifted
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Ms. Gifted | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,
    Your poem is pretty straight-forward and neat, nice 4 line stanzas with a simple rhyme structure. And I can see what you're trying to say here, although in my opinion, which you can take or leave is that, in the end, I feel there is a better way to express what you trying to.
    Your images and words are standard, I feel like I've read them all before which I think lends themselves to be forgotten, like your poem. I think that you need to really find original images that will express what you're trying to say about the cycle of hope and disappointment we experience when looking forwards to an invisible entity called tomorrow. I think you have a nice poem here, it's fine (although the last line, I think was put in purely so you could make a rhyme) but I think if you really want to have something that would make people think, you need to dig a little deeper and find something of substance that says something about your raw feelings. Don't gloss them over. I hope this helps. I don't mean to be harsh just helpful because I can see potential in your writing. Thanks.

    JoKing.
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by JoKing | [ Reply to This ]
      This makes so much sense and none at all. I enjoyed the jumping back and forth between yesterday and tomorrow.

    It reminds of a line from Bright Eyes. "Iím saying nothing in the past or future will feel like today"

    I was happy with it until the end however. I think the second to last stanza would have made a better ending. Sorry, but I don't really care for the last stanza.

    But other than, I thoroughly enjoyed this, so much even that i think i might add it to faves.


    Danielle
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by Kalidoscopeeyes | [ Reply to This ]


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    91139

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