Description: Yea, so I hate when the answer is right in front of a person's face and they fail to accept it. Then they complain about how screwy their life is. Here's to you Benjamin Warren!
You're filling yourself
with watered-down reasons
to the change of our season
and the doubt
looming above your frown
shows you differently
more so intrinsically
and I'd say
it's pitifully
honest, truthfully
and now that shadow of yours
has become your only
company
and we all know
he
can't keep a secret
i think that proper punctuation would have helped this poem in terms of making it a smoother read. i also would have liked more information on who the "he" in the last line was, simply because i feel that he was introduced abruptly and leaves me wondering. is he the person who you are actually referring to in the beginning? becos if it is then maybe you would want to change the last line to "you can't keep a secret" or change the rest of the poem to he. my favorite line was about the shadow being thier only company- but i am not sure how original that is. i would have to agree with you about how frustrating it is to know someone who is constantly making excuses and complaining (i happen to be one of them). this poem is a bit of a rebuke to me. making excuses and being ungrateful will eventually leave you lonely and at a loss of life's grandest experiences. now the last stanza, again i go back to. for some reason it doesnt sit well with me. perhaps because it doesn't necessarily go insync with the rest of the poem. other than that i am convicted of my own sins yet again thanks to you. keep writing!
Submission Name: Cheating Yourself
