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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In the Midst of the Raindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dandan
    ASL Info:    19/F/Florida
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 604/323/49
    Words: 312
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1478
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1843



    Description:
       Its raining outside, and right now, it just makes me FEEL -- and what a wonderful thing to experience it is. (My first poem written while I was online.)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn the Midst of the Raindots
    -------------------------------------------


    I could stand here
    In the midst of the rain;
    Feel the tears slide down my face--
    Sense the blood dripping from my lip as I bite down
    And never want to turn my countenance
    From the sweeping clouds that
    Cry down on me.

    My numb fašade
    Melts away and pain comes;
    To replace what I could not feel --
    And I wouldn't change a thing, except I would want you here
    But being alone seems so right
    'Cause sometimes, I just want
    To see who I am.

    This rain peels away
    These scabs of insensitivity;
    This mask of rebellion and callousness --
    But, no one is here to look upon what I have become
    And I think I quite prefer it that way
    So that they can't expect more
    From what they think I am.

    My knees grow weak
    And the ground suits my body;
    The dirt longs to grasp at my skin --
    And all I want is to let everything be, however it is
    Because I don't mind anything right now
    And I never want to forget
    How this feels.

    The night is falling
    Darkness envelops the world;
    Liquid drops fall to the earth as I soak them up --
    I tremble as I look up to see those stars that we once chose
    And I feel your reflection within my thoughts
    And my hands reach for your strength
    I'm not worthy of such delight
    Tears are my comfort.

    I lie under a blanket
    Of consciousness that feels so wrong;
    I don't think I can imagine a more welcome place --
    Than spinning in a circle of drenched land all my own
    And lying, face to the heavens, in the dream
    Of the sweet embrace of your being
    Waiting for me.




    Submitted on 2004-04-30 19:18:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, dandan, you're poems never ceace to amaze me, you write so well,this poems sounds like the others have said , like the rain romoves her facade, witch many people should understand, because so many people do wear one, the emotion put into this makes people think of dancing in the rain to remove their facade,lol.another great write, keep it up!
    -camoflage
    | Posted on 2004-09-19 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]
      incredible use of the english language, quiet reflection of oneself and the things that matter most, nice topic, your insight is very well developed
    | Posted on 2004-05-16 00:00:00 | by brokenbatman | [ Reply to This ]
      well all i can say is wow you have been giving me such good advise for being a 15 year old i would have never guessed. thank you for telling me to read your poems this one was great i wish i could write like that i guess i have a lot of work ahead of me. thanks again for letting me read such a great poem
    | Posted on 2004-05-15 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really amazing, I love the way the structure works with the poem, helping your words along. The first stanza just snared me and kept me reading intently, something which is hard to get me to do recently. I especially love the third stanza, the lines]
    This rain peels away
    These scabs of insensitivity;
    are great. You use really good imagery throughout and you make me just... feel it all. This is definetly going on my favourites list.
    One of the best poems I've read in a long while.
    | Posted on 2004-05-07 00:00:00 | by Spirited | [ Reply to This ]
      I absolutely love this one...You remind me of me when I was your age...only a lot more intelligent about matters of the heart, it seems...*L* (hell, I'm 41 and I'm still like a girl when it comes to that...)

    Nice one, primo, I love it!
    | Posted on 2004-10-15 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      goodness. I also don't believe you're only 15. This is incredible. I fully appreciate the structure and the parallel punctutation, the same layout in each stanza, but each progressively towards the last stanza... just wow. It takes my breath away.

    The couple lines really caught me in... my other favorite lines were:

    "Liquid drops fall to the earth as I soak them up --
    I tremble as I look up to see those stars that we once chose
    And I feel your reflection within my thoughts
    And my hands reach for your strength
    I'm not worthy of such delight
    Tears are my comfort."

    and...

    "I lie under a blanket
    Of consciousness that feels so wrong;
    I don't think I can imagine a more welcome place --"

    I think I shall procede to add this to my favorites and add you to my stalker list. this was wonderful, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
    | Posted on 2004-04-30 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow very nice and yes only 15...I loved your wording...scabs of insensitivity....tears are my comfort....mask of rebellion and callousnes....A great poem....thank you for sharing it with us....Desi..
    | Posted on 2004-04-30 00:00:00 | by Desi | [ Reply to This ]
      Why is it hard for people to believe you are 15? What, young people can't think? Anyway, another awesome write. (darn you!) I can't really say anything that hasn't been said except leave some metaphors for other people to use, your taking all the good ones!
    | Posted on 2004-05-12 00:00:00 | by ACircuitShock | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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