Description: Its raining outside, and right now, it just makes me FEEL -- and what a wonderful thing to experience it is. (My first poem written while I was online.)
In the Midst of the Rain -------------------------------------------
I could stand here
In the midst of the rain;
Feel the tears slide down my face--
Sense the blood dripping from my lip as I bite down
And never want to turn my countenance
From the sweeping clouds that
Cry down on me.
My numb fašade
Melts away and pain comes;
To replace what I could not feel --
And I wouldn't change a thing, except I would want you here
But being alone seems so right
'Cause sometimes, I just want
To see who I am.
This rain peels away
These scabs of insensitivity;
This mask of rebellion and callousness --
But, no one is here to look upon what I have become
And I think I quite prefer it that way
So that they can't expect more
From what they think I am.
My knees grow weak
And the ground suits my body;
The dirt longs to grasp at my skin --
And all I want is to let everything be, however it is
Because I don't mind anything right now
And I never want to forget
How this feels.
The night is falling
Darkness envelops the world;
Liquid drops fall to the earth as I soak them up --
I tremble as I look up to see those stars that we once chose
And I feel your reflection within my thoughts
And my hands reach for your strength
I'm not worthy of such delight
Tears are my comfort.
I lie under a blanket
Of consciousness that feels so wrong;
I don't think I can imagine a more welcome place --
Than spinning in a circle of drenched land all my own
And lying, face to the heavens, in the dream
Of the sweet embrace of your being
Waiting for me.
Wow, dandan, you're poems never ceace to amaze me, you write so well,this poems sounds like the others have said , like the rain romoves her facade, witch many people should understand, because so many people do wear one, the emotion put into this makes people think of dancing in the rain to remove their facade,lol.another great write, keep it up! -camoflage
well all i can say is wow you have been giving me such good advise for being a 15 year old i would have never guessed. thank you for telling me to read your poems this one was great i wish i could write like that i guess i have a lot of work ahead of me. thanks again for letting me read such a great poem
This is really amazing, I love the way the structure works with the poem, helping your words along. The first stanza just snared me and kept me reading intently, something which is hard to get me to do recently. I especially love the third stanza, the lines] This rain peels away These scabs of insensitivity; are great. You use really good imagery throughout and you make me just... feel it all. This is definetly going on my favourites list. One of the best poems I've read in a long while.
I absolutely love this one...You remind me of me when I was your age...only a lot more intelligent about matters of the heart, it seems...*L* (hell, I'm 41 and I'm still like a girl when it comes to that...)
goodness. I also don't believe you're only 15. This is incredible. I fully appreciate the structure and the parallel punctutation, the same layout in each stanza, but each progressively towards the last stanza... just wow. It takes my breath away.
The couple lines really caught me in... my other favorite lines were:
"Liquid drops fall to the earth as I soak them up -- I tremble as I look up to see those stars that we once chose And I feel your reflection within my thoughts And my hands reach for your strength I'm not worthy of such delight Tears are my comfort."
"I lie under a blanket Of consciousness that feels so wrong; I don't think I can imagine a more welcome place --"
I think I shall procede to add this to my favorites and add you to my stalker list. this was wonderful, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Why is it hard for people to believe you are 15? What, young people can't think? Anyway, another awesome write. (darn you!) I can't really say anything that hasn't been said except leave some metaphors for other people to use, your taking all the good ones!