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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Torture Institutiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Faith_Disease
    ASL Info:    17/M
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 278/141/29
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 706
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1026



    Description:
        This is what I think of insane ayslums, might be a little graphic, but i think it helps wit the atmosphere, i could be wrong though.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTorture Institutiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Blood-choked cries of the forgotten,
    trapped in dark,
    mangled and rotten,

    pierce the air with cruel affliction.
    Steel torture.
    Lethal addiction.

    Razor blades of mutilation
    hack through flesh
    with desperation.

    Silent drones in blood-stained lab coats
    implant chips,
    slit feeble, red throats.

    Needles injecting chemicals.
    Undying
    nightmare rituals.

    Obscure, discarded memory.
    Inhuman,
    tainted surgery.

    Failed test subjects amputated,
    ripped apart,
    decapitated.

    Spattered remains of grey matter
    smearing walls.
    Brains gored and splattered.

    Escape from the institution
    subject to
    electrocution.

    Wretched bodies, mental anguish.
    Rusted pain.
    Mind forced to languish.

    Enduring till the final breath,
    to escape
    this living death.




    Submitted on 2006-02-13 18:11:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      awsome. so descriptive, yet completely grave. ur pointing out the obviuos, but leaving it a mystery. i love what u do when u start ritin bout asylums, and death and murder keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-07-05 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      so beautiful more and more so every time I read it coz it inspirers me some of the time and I wanna kill you for writing it at other times
    but all the same it is a wonderful write
    | Posted on 2006-02-26 00:00:00 | by Animus Custodis | [ Reply to This ]
      here is my favorite part:

    Blood-choked cries of the forgotten,

    trapped in dark,

    mangled and rotten,

    pierce the air with cruel affliction.

    Steel torture.

    Lethal addiction.

    Razor blades of mutilation

    hack through flesh

    with desperation.

    Silent drones in blood-stained lab coats

    implant chips,

    slit feeble, red throats.

    Needles injecting chemicals.

    Undying

    nightmare rituals.

    Obscure, discarded memory.

    Inhuman,

    tainted surgery.

    Failed test subjects amputated,

    ripped apart,

    decapitated.

    Spattered remains of grey matter

    smearing walls.

    Brains gored and splattered.

    Escape from the institution

    subject to

    electrocution.

    Wretched bodies, mental anguish.

    Rusted pain.

    Mind forced to languish.

    Enduring till the final breath,

    to escape

    this living death.

    ALL OF IT! its even better than the one that i saw last, blood waves i think it was called, this one is going to my favorites, and now i am going to stalk you.
    im in love with your writing.
    i wish we could keep in touch somehow else...
    any idea's?
    ive always wanted a writing pal kinda thing, a friend to keep my insperation flowing and we can share writing and everything.
    i think i am in love with you. :)





    just kidding




    necrotic
    | Posted on 2006-02-26 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      This was amazing. Mental institutions are horrible places, from what I hear. Excellent imagery. The graphic depictions added to the atmosphere, it didn't throw me off, or offend me or anything, so I would definately keep that. And if it did throw anyone off or offend them, it's their fault for being so naive and sheltered. Keep writeing.
    | Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by thor_s avatar | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this a lot. on the contrary to scienceyear's comment, i enjoyed the kind of chopy structuring of this poem. i dont think narrative is necessary. the imagery is BEAUTIFUL. is it literally about being in a mental institution? or is it symbolic of something else? of maybe life as this 'institution'. maybe in that life is living death? trapped in a world were these things, these images you described are so "alienated" from the norms, how people chose to forget about these morbid things of life. where you chose to embrace them? chose accept the darkness that you might have experienced? i dont know...nevertheless this is a great write.
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by vintagepepper | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the imagery. You're Father f'ing Goose! Dr. Seuss in residency! However this could have been so much better with a little narrative structure or something more to tie the images together. As is it is more of a tour of ideas an artist has for dark paintings. I think it needs and deserves development.

    ~scienceyear~
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by scienceyear | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I feel like I'm reading lyrics from Cannibal Corpse! I like the way each line is like a piece of individual torture - each line a kind of cruel cut. If that was the intent, it succeeded.
    Be careful not to get stuck in that format, however...a little goes a long way, and it's easy to get redundant and repetative. ps like the Marilyn Manson look.
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by kronos | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, another really great poem from you. The flow was dead-on and even though it was very graphic, I enjoyed every word of it. Beautifully dark, very gothic. Poor insane people, lol. I feel utterly sorry for them...Yeah, so, lol, this is a favorite. Great write. I'm so glad I invited you here. I think this is the place for you.
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...never spent time in a mental institution, but just reckon thats cuz they havent caught up to me yet, Hee-hee! But from what I have seen and heard, this is a pretty morbid and sad light of them. The drug induced persona of them was hit on in our write and the overall nonsensical craziness of that type of stuff was felt overall throughout your write. Sometimes the caretakers are more mentally messed up than the occupants from what I hear. Nice write. It had that "disruption" to it that the topic needed to bring it merit. Thanks for sharing and WELCOME!
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so good damn you Im jealous I wish I could write like this back to you this is a very emotional write and shows great depth and imagery (soz) and it is so believable that it could be true and probably is.
    my fav lines

    Steel torture.

    Lethal addiction.

    Razor blades of mutilation

    hack through flesh

    with desperation.

    I know how they feel I want to live but I like watching the blood run down my arms
    this is very good I will put it on the fav list
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by Animus Custodis | [ Reply to This ]
      Dark... that pretty much sums it all up. this poem is an inspration to those of us who only dream of writing like you. I love the way you made it flow and had that rythm its awesome. continue to post more.
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Harmageddon | [ Reply to This ]
      This was dark, yep sure was;) I really liked it ...you were great at describing the imagry and I really got into this one...awesome write you have a lot of talent...I personally don't like the format all that much becuz personally I think it makes the writing feel a little more distilled but it also in some cases adds suspense and it kinda fits your style so whatever with that lol. anyway I liked this alot.
    peace
    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really dark
    I have never been put away in a mental asylum but I have been in a hospitol for depression and extreme drug addiction to crystal meth
    I will say when I was on the drugs and put away for observation this write fits the mind set I was in perfectly
    Great write!
    Remain Positive
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      dark with gory! I LOVE IT! there's that perfect image that i look for in the pieces of others. you played your words perfectly and there are very few that can do it with the words that you used. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by smiling death | [ Reply to This ]
      O.o...very cool...i ejoyed the graphics...grey matter, thats crazy..haha..cant say I can tell you how to improve on this really. When I write I always try to follow the five senses with my imagery. I think you did that here pretty good..

    Sight: Obvioulsy you got that one down..
    Smell: Rotten and Grey matter = very smelly
    Auditory: Blood chocked cries..good one
    Touch: lots of pain here..you got it
    Taste: hmm..its a tough one and I dont see it as neccissary
    ...so..you get a WoW and your added to my favs...good job
    Andrew Fumagalli
    | Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by AFumagalli | [ Reply to This ]


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