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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Rape of the Earthdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Vintage Emotion
    Elite Ratio:    4.94 - 29/30/15
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1066
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 934



    Description:
       This poem has a lot of holes in it...strangely, I wrote it while having serious writer's block. Please tear it apart, I want it be good because I like the idea.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Rape of the Earthdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Shucked corn and apple cores founded a union
    with the warm earthy foam of impoverished lace
    skimming along the surface of lower-class society,
    a polar opposite of the whimsical sunrise grace.

    The drone of timid dusk, stretching out its long-boned hand
    to overtake the bedraggled loitering at the edge of Eden,
    reminds Them of the face-off between two broken mirrors;
    dusk is the hour of defeated, when faith is but an invention.

    An epilogue to the fragmented lyricism between us,
    that with heartened cheers we tie knots in the lionís mane.
    Oh, but would the Earth draw from our tenebrous lagoon,
    but then how tactfully we would wield the carpenterís plane.

    Oh, futile was the Sunís dismal eternity at birth,
    when we curse our consciousness to observe
    the mourning call up heaved by the rape of the earth.




    Submitted on 2006-02-13 20:21:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i think it could be an extremely profound glimpse into your perception of something. but what is that something exactly? now i would normally say that i don't have to think i know what you're writing about as i read this, but since you said it probably has holes in it because of writers block i think it is safe for me to say that it needs to be more obvious to the reader what you are talking about. i like the rhythm a lot, and i like the rhymes in the first stanza but i'm still not exactly sure what you are trying to get the reader to think about. this has great potential, keep molding it until you get it to just the right shape!!
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by wherRutakingME | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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