Description: OK originally 'An Ode To The Valentine Of Yesterday' but I couldn't fit it all in.
I wrote it last night (13th) and it's my first EVER rhyming poem! So go easy with me. It's focused to an individual that I'm thankful I'm not with this Valentines!
Oh and I know a few lines don't rhyme as such just think of it as...creative liscence.
Oh and the 'her' at the end isn't anyone in particular just again think 'creative liscence' or even Luke couldn't think of different two lines!
To The Valentine Of Yesterday! -------------------------------------------
You made me walk
You made me cry
I couldn't talk
I wonder why
Your hatred stare
I grew to know
I needed care
But you said 'no'!
You lead me on
'Round every bend
My broken heart
I cannot mend
I saw the light
As clear as day
Put up a fight
You ran away
Far from you now
And from that mess
I'm with her now
And at my best
Along with the catchy rhyme, to me, this is describing what is known as the 'ha ha' syndrome...lol.
Seriously though, I must say that you've painted a pretty clear picture of being trampled on, mistreated, the whole broken thing...then you bring hope (and the ha'ha's of course) to the end where you reveal your new life, a new day, far from what the other had put you through.
Great job, I look forward to reading more of your work.
Your rhyming pattern is nice; it is consistent throughout the entire write. what I look for in those is first they need to rhyme (obviously haha) completely and second they need to fit into the context. There are more things of course, like uneven verses that i leave for those who think they have the monopoly on what poetry is, I'll leave it to them to fight over those things. Rhyming completely and making sense are my two main things I look for. There is a little liberal use here of “I” but if you like that then by all means keep it. As far as the meaning of it I see the end of one relationship and a move to the next. you have hurt in st1, I see some bitterness in st2, loss in st3, the epiphany in st4, and the resolve in st5. the part that has “your hatred stare” is a little odd for me to read, I would put “heated stare” or “hateful stare” or perhaps “your stare of hate” I think the second one would be the best. If you are comfortable with how it is then don’t mind me. Nicely done and take care,
This is not a bad write There is no such thing as a bad write Poetry is an expression of our innermost feelings and who are we to judge what and how someone else feels I enjoyed this write You took the theme of valentimnes day and put a twist on it I enjoyed this Great Write God Bless Ron
Please if you get a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
this isn't bad at all. the rhyming is a bit too predictable but since it's your first attempt, we'll give you a break. you got your message across and it's a very effective poem. a nice touch for V-day.
WOO! Rid of someone "unworthy" on this, the day of love. The rhyming isn't bad. i agree that it is a bit predictiable but not too atrocious! one suggestion i would make is to change "Your _hatred_stare" too something like "your scathing/loathsome stare" cause for some reason, hatred doesn't seem to work for me but i could just be overlooking something. Anyway, good write overall and if this story is true, which it seems to be judging by your comments, then congrats! better to be rid of a hurtful relationship and left with bitterly tinged memories than spending V-day with a B****! ;) SASHA LYNN
A beautiful poem and kudos on it rhyming! (i have the hardest time with that) i enjoyed reading this because you've done a great job in channeling your emotions into words so the rest of us can get how you feel. thanks for sharing with us!
ummm... i'm not sure what else i want to say... other than, i love you!