Yeah I completely agree "Love ... love is pain” ... Every ones seems to be under the illusion that love makes you feel hunky dory all the time and neglect the part were you suffer and have your heart broken ...
I liked this write it was an honest and sensible description of what you were feeling at that time... I didn’t quite enjoy the last stanza though I reckon that this piece deserves a better ending... But that just my opinion …. To each their one I suppose
A poem is often based on an emotion and this is clearly the case here, unless it is just a devilish Valentine's plot to win the lady's heart with verse. Rhyme is also appropropriate in a Valentine poem and this has rhyme. It also has rhythm, but ina sense an inappropriate rhythm, for this seems to have rap rhythm which is somehow not soft or sentimental enough for a love poem.
though i cant say i thought this was original, i did think this was pretty sweet. in my personal experience, i havent seen a large amount of 17 y/o guys talk about love like its a good thing lol.
anyway, the line:
whenever together we are
to me, this has been worded a bit awkward for the rest of the stanza. while i can understand that just saying 'Whenever we are together' seems a bit bland, you could also reword it altogether, like maybe When together finds us here, etc...
i love the title...i've actually used those lines in a few of my writings, and in personal experience, love at some point does turn to pain no matter how strong or dysfunctional the relationship...if that werent true, there would be such a thing as a perfect relationship, which to me, is complete bull.. anyway, sweet poem
Awww! Such a sweet little love poem! Perfect for this valentines day! An interesting little twist you put on love with the "if love was pain" theme. Depending on how healthy the relationship is, some could very well agree with this literally haha! Love is indeed hard and relationships require constant work to be successful, but in the long run it is worth it. You just need to find the right person, and that is the hardest part I think. This poem is very sweet and the sentiment is lovely. I love the last stanza as you reference falling more in love everyday. Very nice job. Take care.
Submission Name: If Love Was Pain
