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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If Love Was Paindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: josymanthegreat
    ASL Info:    21/m/GA from Puerto Rico
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 337/364/104
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 886
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 631



    Description:
       It's a poem for the occasion you know... but yeah


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf Love Was Paindots
    -------------------------------------------


    If reality was a dream,
    then my reality would be you
    because everything I dream,
    Is about what we do

    Whenever I look at your eyes
    I feel safe and sure
    My heart is for you
    and everything I'm saying is true

    Time seems to go so fast
    whenever together we are
    just touching your skin
    sends me into a trance

    So if love is pain
    then I am dying
    in a pool of this love we have
    feel like I am drowning

    And if love is pain
    I cant help but
    hurting more everyday
    for you.




    Submitted on 2006-02-14 06:27:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      "So if love is pain
    then I am dying"

    I love that part! It's really strong and you can almost feel the pain that the person is feeling. Good poem, very simple, and very pleasant to read.
    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by arianers | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah I completely agree "Love ... love is pain” ... Every ones seems to be under the illusion that love makes you feel hunky dory all the time and neglect the part were you suffer and have your heart broken ...

    I liked this write it was an honest and sensible description of what you were feeling at that time... I didn’t quite enjoy the last stanza though I reckon that this piece deserves a better ending...
    But that just my opinion …. To each their one I suppose

    Take care,

    Later,

    Ethan.
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      A poem is often based on an emotion and this is clearly the case here, unless it is just a devilish Valentine's plot to win the lady's heart with verse. Rhyme is also appropropriate in a Valentine poem and this has rhyme. It also has rhythm, but ina sense an inappropriate rhythm, for this seems to have rap rhythm which is somehow not soft or sentimental enough for a love poem.
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      though i cant say i thought this was original, i did think this was pretty sweet. in my personal experience, i havent seen a large amount of 17 y/o guys talk about love like its a good thing lol.

    anyway, the line:

    whenever together we are

    to me, this has been worded a bit awkward for the rest of the stanza. while i can understand that just saying 'Whenever we are together' seems a bit bland, you could also reword it altogether, like maybe When together finds us here, etc...

    i love the title...i've actually used those lines in a few of my writings, and in personal experience, love at some point does turn to pain no matter how strong or dysfunctional the relationship...if that werent true, there would be such a thing as a perfect relationship, which to me, is complete bull..
    anyway, sweet poem
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww! Such a sweet little love poem! Perfect for this valentines day! An interesting little twist you put on love with the "if love was pain" theme. Depending on how healthy the relationship is, some could very well agree with this literally haha! Love is indeed hard and relationships require constant work to be successful, but in the long run it is worth it. You just need to find the right person, and that is the hardest part I think. This poem is very sweet and the sentiment is lovely. I love the last stanza as you reference falling more in love everyday. Very nice job. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


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