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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Girldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dandan
    ASL Info:    19/F/Florida
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 604/323/49
    Words: 292
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 267
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1659



    Description:
       Character Description assignment for my Creative Writing class...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Girldots
    -------------------------------------------


    A slight sliver of sunlight creeps through the cracks and slithers down to its home upon the rustled covers. It nestles into the warmth of the wrinkled fabric and lies down to rest with the girl who lies motionless, seemingly drugged with sleep and sweet dreams. She stirs slightly, almost appearing as if she might awake, but then -- a betrayal to detection -- her eyelids flutter and a small sigh escapes her lips; she remains in slumber.
    Dishes clatter in the other room, tucked away in ambiguity. Tap water runs from a rusty faucet, rushing out a tinted liquid that rages from the soiled spout. Steam swirls to the ceiling, and grime glues to the ground. Bare, cracked hands boil under the heat of the water and a choking whir of motion cuts the air in circulation. The leftover food is scraped into a garbage pail by the wall in the far corner, some misses and falls to the floor. Emaciated, a small pup scrambles to lift it to his eager mouth.
    With what comes as an almost stunningly sudden jolt, she rises quickly to a sitting position. She stumbles awkwardly from her resting spot and clambers to her feet. Rushing to throw on some presentable covering, she runs from the quiet room, clothed in ragged garb and undeniably shoeless. Sprinting across the way, she arrives at the door, only to knock into it and break gracelessly into the bustle of labor.
    A strand of hair slides before her dusty-colored eyes, and she brushes it away. Hidden away behind the clamor of crass surroundings, she radiates the epitome of beauty.
    She is captivating against the ruins of society, and best of all, she knows it not...




    Submitted on 2006-02-14 08:11:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Awesome start of a characterization. its a great start, i would LOVE to see how it develops into a story. I know how hard it is to create a story, but i think you've got EXCELLENT potential. Let me know how it goes.
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent use of metaphor and imagery to bring out the beauty of this subject. The contrast and comparison worked quite well. I hope you will expand this into a short story.
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      very descriptive and captivating. with continued practice you should start writing short stories and work from there.

    have you seen "taming of the shrew" with elizabeth taylor? theres a scene where she looks through a peep hole with her eye and just from looking at her eye you can tell she is a beautiful woman, the reason i bring this up is that the picture of the eye reminded me of that

    dax
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by dax | [ Reply to This ]



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