Lovers Dance by Alura

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Submission Name: Lovers Dance dots

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Author:	Alura
ASL Info:	19/female/wa
Elite Ratio:	3.35 - 82/113/35
Words:	119

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	232
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	840

Description:
I wrote this for my guy for Valentines day and I hope both he and you like it.

Lovers Dance dots

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Nothing between us
Skin to skin,
Souls entwining
Welcoming each other in.

Hearts beat
Strong and fast,
Sounding the tempo
Of a lovers dance.

Conjoined together
Two becoming one,
Nothing can separate us
Make our love come undone.

You bring me to a place
I could never before reach,
The way you make me feel
Is beyond any type of speech.

With every touch
You give me shivers,
Until my body
Can’t help but quiver.

We join in perfect union
Opposite yet the same,
An ideal balance
That sparks passions flame.

If possible
I would hold you forever,
From now on
To always be with you will I endeavor.

Submitted on 2006-02-14 11:47:37 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I agree with brownsdelight. There are some spots in the piece that need a little revising and editing, then it will unfold into a beautiful piece. The beginning is good though, I like how you found someone to share and write about. Love is a beautiful thing, just dont be blinded by Lust. Keep up the writing, Im sure you will do great and become great. Take care.

Respect
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by irish storm | [ Reply to This ]
  Yep, I liked it, all right!

Nicely done, blending some lovemaking underneath the description of two people in love.

I bet he was thrilled to get this, very well done!

be happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  generally, this is a trite, cliché theme- dance as an emotional, sexual bond. But with your wording and terse, tense stanzas, you breathe new life and energy into the topic. I really like this poem. Good write.
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by Fantasma | [ Reply to This ]
  Its a very endearing and sweet poem, made for your love. As far as from a poetic stand point and someone who isn't a part of that, it seems almost repetitive, cliché, and exaggerated in some way. I don't mean this in any negative way, please understand, its a very passionate piece, but to an outsider, it almost seems to lack a certain passion in the deliviery
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]
  Wonderful. I love how in this poem the reader sees love as a dance. Babe, will you dance with me? I will dance till the end with you if possible babe. Again, I loved this one, it is one of the best writes Ive read from you. keep it up babygirl.
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by nasuka | [ Reply to This ]
  nice...liked the whole making love/dance thing

however i just have to point out that something that should read as graceful as a dance kinda flopped on that last sentence...it was completely off balance with the rest of the piece...a touch of editing would make this a beautiful piece...
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]

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