The Winter Inside by faln

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Submission Name: The Winter Inside dots

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Author:	faln_angl
ASL Info:	25/f/MN
Elite Ratio:	4.66 - 99/96/17
Words:	110

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	248
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	699

Description:

The Winter Inside dots

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I stare off the balcony.
The snow is falling.
But the sun is shining, I know,
just beyond those clouds.
So much like my life:
Happiness just out of reach,
Love has all but left me.

Each flake is unique,
Like my unanswered wishes.
Falling softly to the ground
for someone to step on,
stick to the bottom of a shoe
...............and inevitably melt.

Just once, may one land upon my face
and stay forever frozen,
keep its shape pure and untouched.
But my heart is like winter's pristine cold,
barren as the trees,
till I too one day find my spring.

Submitted on 2006-02-14 12:19:01 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I think that I know how you feel on this one. I understand the feelings of love lost and happiness just out of reach, and the yearning for it to return so that you can fully grasp a hold of it. You did a really good job on this one. I'm partial to winter themed poetry...or rather season themed poetry. I can't wait until Autumn. I think that I'm going to add this one to my favorites list and check out the rest of your work.

Corey
| Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by Ravenwood | [ Reply to This ]
  I too agree this is very well done! Surly I will be able to learn how to use metaphores better with a poem like this! Im a 15 year old whos been doing poetry scince 13 and like just this month i learn the actuall "rules" or ways to write poetry and im exited because now i can get all the posion in me out and feel understood about what i have put onto paper
scincerly, Andy
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by Breed of Wind | [ Reply to This ]
  Nicely done indeed!

This reads extremely well, and though you use metaphors, it's very easy to follow the theme of the poem.

I like the descriptions, and the comparisons of "wishes" with "snowflakes" excellent idea.

I also like the open end, you could have easily left it down, but you gave it a bit of hope there.

Very very well done, I liked it a lot

be happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem had a lot of metaphors, and you used them wisely and effectively. I think this poem shadows many of us at one time or another. And I hope one day you do find your spring and blossom like the flower you were meant to be. Great job on the entire poem.

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  i am completely and totally awed by this. it's beautiful. your metaphor and style remind me alot of the way i write.
yeah, this is absolutely stunning.
change nothing.
flaunt this piece...it deserves it.
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
  It's been a long time since I've commented on a post and I have to tell you that I really liked this piece. I really didn't notice anything that should be changed and nothing was wriiten in this little "jevenile" way, like "oh woe is me". It is very beautiful and it makes me want to read through your entries.
melancholymaid
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by melancholymaid | [ Reply to This ]
  I really like the thought behind this and the emotion the reader can choose to add to it in their own mind or not. I love some of your imagery...i think the long "..." kind of messed me up a bit, i understand you were going for a long pause, but that way made it seem so interrupted to me. It;s a good poem, maybe just fix that and go back and reread it from a readers point of view and see if it has the emotiony ou want in it.
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]
  i like the whole metaphor of comparision with the flakes and how one in reality does come across such melancholis discretion that he becomes so deep and tries to find happiness anywhere he looks..
well thought piece!
Kreatively and logically
Wasif
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by wasif | [ Reply to This ]
  H ells yeah. This is beautiful. It makes me feel like there is someone out there who could identify with me...So cold inside...Basically frozen solid by the person who thawed you out in the first place. You use beautiful imagery, and let me just tell you, I'm standing on that balcony too. Sometimes I wish I'd just fall off. By the way, I loved your journal. Valentines Day was the three year anniversary of my first date with the man that I was with for over two years that left me not quite ten months ago and already has a new life with his girlfriend, her kid, and their new baby. F U C K valentines day. I hate it. The worst part of it is that he won't just leave me alone. We had lunch together on f*cking Valentines day. What kind of sh*t is that? Great job on this poem!
| Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  i don't know what to say... this is so deep, so pure and it's... i'd say it's perfect... Every word, every line, it's all in place, the emotion gushes out and get's all over the reader. In every word, they are swept up in the emotion... i cant say much aside from "that's one hell of a job"... i serriously want to see some more just like this.
| Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by diamonds_2_dust | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree as well, there are alot of metaphors used in this write. It was a little difficult for me to read, but I did like alot of lines that you used. The line about you finding your spring, I got that part and I believe it is one of the best endings Ive heard in some time. I believe you have your own little creative style in this poem, and that is why I enjoyed it. I'll be looking on your page for more poems, hopefully they all have a good ending like this one :D
take care, and check on my page and tell me if any catch your eye. thanks.

Respect
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by irish storm | [ Reply to This ]

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