Description: um i dont know tis not my best work but im trying to post the ones i wrote awhile ago.
maybe next time -------------------------------------------
watch mournfuly as a child cries
watch the pain fill her eyes
leave her there like you always do
as if you dont know what to do
abandon her leave her there
you dont see her nor do you care
listen as a heart beat stops cold
asif it did b/c of the cold
discenagrate and rot oh what a sight!
you must've enjoyed seeing her put up a fight
pain is in her eyes
pain is why she cries
yer responsible for her death
did you enjoy watching her fight for breath?
im glad to know you dont care
maybe next time you'll be there
The only part that got me confused was the end: "im glad to know you dont care maybe next time you'll be there" The thing I don't understand is the thought behind this part, "im glad to know you dont care".. why to be glad about that..? Ah, I'll figure it out someday! :D
Altogether I love this poem, got me really thinking and a bit anxious, and that means you're a wonderful writer!
i agree with paba it is an interesting concrpt... very intriguing it is laced with the pain and emotion and it feels like what ever it is happen to you or close to you... i like it a lot and yur writing is good and flows very nicely
Hm... Interesting concept... Very interesting. It took me a while to find out 'b/c' because (as you can tell) I type like a freaking proper college student. Lol anyway... To the poem: I loved the 'you must've enjoyed seeing her put up a fight pain is in her eyes pain is why she cries yer responsible for her death did you enjoy watching her fight for breath?' That was my favorite part. Just alot of emotion. Good job :) -Miss
Submission Name: maybe next time
