Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Valentinedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Tears of Azrael
    ASL Info:    14/F/Lost
    Elite Ratio:    5.47 - 107/102/25
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 796
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 521



    Description:
       Yes, written for Valentine's Day for someone. I kept it--as they say--"short and sweet." Just thought I'd share it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsValentinedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Turrets of green melted in gold,
    Caramels to dazzle, thence no finer
    Than simple beauties stretched threefold;
    Poetic harmonies strung to a minor.

    Pendulum dreams that swing to and fro,
    Ringing chimes that sound of enamoured things
    Only God alone would know,
    (Lest forgotten from our imaginings.)

    Vermillion lips that, however graced,
    Cannot hide that deviant smile,
    Jasmine scents so mildly laced
    To a presence made worthwhile.




    Submitted on 2006-02-14 21:27:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow. what else is there to say? it is in fact "short and sweet" but brevity is a beautiful thing...especially taking this poem into consideration..it's beautiful. your words are strung together so nicely it just makes for a great read.

    you included rhyme. a lot of time i find that rhyme takes away from the vocabulary choices. and a lot of times makes the poem a bit corny. but your rhyming is so mildly done...and definitely not overdone its perfect. and it didnt take away from the word choices or meanings.
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by vintagepepper | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't believe you're 13... great writing for such a young person. I enjoyed this piece, but I will have to come back to read it again, I am sort of in a hurry now.

    cheers,
    Tom
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      O fever yonder, a tempestuous cry springs forth!

    Sorry, just quoted a line or two from a really old poem of mine...

    This is delivered nicely... sort of medieval provencal bardic romance like, ya know? Your word choices - thence, lest, and the use of inverted syntax puts me in mind of that style.

    Just a short comment to say I read and appreciated. And I hope the person it was intended for likes it... I would!

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    91374

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry