hey u!!! yay u wrote new stuff! im so proud of u!! ok anyway!! long time no see! just thought id stop by! this was really sad!! i really really really like the title though it caught my attention!! i dont think theres really anythin wrong about this!! i am very much in like with the first stanza! good job! ~akaila~
I like the second part the most, that sounds something like what I do, trying to be the best for the person you love hoping for them to want you more cause you are what they want, even though its not who you are, what you want, and what you want to be and do. And the only reason you did it so they wouldn't see the real you so they would never leave.
Then I liked the first part the second most as you hide from the world, the truth, your own pain, you wrap up in your lies tring to hide the truth away so you don't have to face the truth even when its eating away at you, your heart is broken and you are trying to find the peices but it still hurts so much, you just cant get rid of the pain.
Then I liked the last part the third most, but everyone thinks your a fool because of how you feel for someone, they insault you because of what you do, how you love, what you love, and why you love. But you only love that person and only them no one else, people lauph at you and kick you down when you feel bad, they don't see what lies inside, it hurts so much cause no one knows the turth, the pain that you keep inside, tears falling running away from your eyes just as you try to escape your pain, but as much as you let it out as much as you try to let it go, it just keeps coming back.
And I liked the third part the forth most, But I dont feel like typing about it now cause my fingers hurt.
Good poem, write more, its nice to read something good, THANK YOU FOR THE AWSOME POEM
I love the way this is written. As obsidiandreams said, it has a lyrical sense to it that really works well for this piece. I like the wording, particularly of "protected in tangled sheets" and "or the tears fall with bleeding mascara"
This piece rings depressing thoughts once more through my mind running constant,
it gives a good lyrical format, and it sounds awesome the words form in your head to create an image of tear drops simple but different in the way that they differ in only the level of anguish needed to be repeled, and to be vented from the aura of a being that sumone is
nice write, I mean really nice write. I believe this is one of the best writes I've heard in a while. I mean emotional wise not, well using metaphors, alliteration and all that crap. anyway, yeah, I relaly enjoyed this. So keep up the good work. THNX
I take this write as a breakup poem I truefully believe you loved this person with all of your Heart As you start to let go of that Love Remember everything you learned from this relationship so it may carry you to another beautiful and Worthwhile Journey God Bless Ron Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
I admire this poem. Black mascara and eyeliner really symbolize a lot to me. I have cried so much in my life that it seemsmy strength was measured by how many streams of black I had on my cheeks at the end of the day.
Longing so deep inside me Nought could mean more to me Than your lips upon mine in the darkness Together under the sheets
That is my truly absolute favorite stanza. "Nought" is a rarely used word in poetry that I read and I think it's very cool how you can put it into the poem without making the entire thing sound goofed, y'know? I really like this poem and I hope you check out my site soon.
I love that. I know way too well what you mean. It's sad. You know, just when I think your writing can't get any better, you always prove me wrong.
"Painting my face to pretend Creating a mask to hide behind"
For some reason, reminds me of a song that says: "I play dead- to hide my heart, Until the world gone dark fades away. I stay dead- until you veil my scars And say goodbye to fate, Before it's too late."
I don't know why though. It has nothing to do with it. I was just inspired to start singing, so I figured I'd share
Anyways, once again, I'm saying 'Great job' Your talent fascinates me. Very beautifully done.
Awww That's so sad. I like it. Stupid "they." I dont even know them and I hate them. I'm sad now. The wording is wonderful. I like that you found something to rhyme 'mascara' with. That's hard. I like this whole part: "Hide from the world in darkness Protected in tangled sheets Curling up to recoil from pain A broken heart continuing to beat" Be a great day If you have one good thing going for you, it's your lovely poetry. Peace -KaTe
"Hide from the world in darkness Protected in tangled sheets Curling up to recoil from pain A broken heart continuing to beat" I like that line, it just caught my eye. I guess the reason is that I hide my emotions inside of my and on the outside I show calmness. Anyway great write. The title reminded me of the band Atreyu, because they have a song called Bleeding Mascara. Good title, good flow, it's just an all around good poem. Two thumbs up!