Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fear of Tearsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: forestspirit
    ASL Info:    21/m/inside
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 58/45/27
    Words: 343
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 678
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2145



    Description:
       Advices for my style since it seems that I have develepoed this vague style of wrting. Anything....thnx


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFear of Tearsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The stream flowing by
    The one, in the night
    The ring of fire
    Welcome to the desert-
    As I take you on a ride
    Through the heaven and it’s tide.

    Join me on this voyage
    To the realm, make me rhyme.
    Into the day and in through the night.
    The lifting of pain
    The surrender of light

    Darkness and its candle glow
    The incandescence of the sane
    There is nothing stopping.
    Nothing to hold
    The end of the rope
    Tying the ends, strong and bold

    Fear, the weak and the meek
    The weariness of age.
    The rose bud still in bloom.
    To hold what is mine
    To bring forth what is yours

    There is no end except the true end
    And life itself is its only friend
    While the beginning is nigh
    The truth under an illusion
    Dreams from a sorrow
    Memories bound in fears

    All fall, snow flakes, autumn leaves
    Agony dissolved, one smoke particle at a time
    Into thin air and under the rain cloud.
    She watches the rain drops
    One by one, countless tears

    She says to me, “let go it is for the better”
    While she clings to those worn out letters.
    I tell her, “end it all and break free”
    I hold on to the broken shards
    Of a mirror, of the wine glass
    Bleeding, even more tears

    Broken from the inside
    Grasped by a different light
    Engulfed in another fight
    Writhing at the end of a fish line
    Stop! Walk the same line

    Looking to different points
    Yet the point is the same.
    The same light, the same cloud
    The same old flower trying to bloom-
    While stuck in its bud
    Another abortion of life, what it holds

    She says to me to let go
    She couldn’t let go
    I reach out for her hand
    She gives in to me
    And strengthens her grip

    We don’t find what we seek
    We hold on to each other not to be weak

    In fear, and fear in tears




    Submitted on 2006-02-15 11:30:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      There are no words. It made me want to kill someone. It was that damn beautiful. the emotion was very apparent as it launched itself at me time and time again making me feel so connected with this piece. a tear almost formed in my eye, and i almost let it go. this piece...words can tell my appreciation for reading it...*sniff*...it was beautiful...

    ~Zach~
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by insphered soul | [ Reply to This ]
      I think some punctuation could help the reader along in places. A good example is:

    There is nothing stopping
    Nothing to hold
    The end of the rope


    The reader will naturally insert a dash after "stopping" and a period after "hold", but then encounters the next line and has to back up the the first, change the dash to a period, and remove the period from the second line. I know - I sounds rambly and disjointed. However, it's just the feeling I had while reading the lines.

    The alternative, of course, is to read it without punctuation as written - as a single, stream-of-conscious work. However, this then presents the problem of reader fatigue.

    So, the reader is either left jumping back and forth trying to understand the poem, or reverts to auto-pilot and mechanicly reads without even trying to understand.

    Hope this helps.

    -Frank
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by FrankBlissett | [ Reply to This ]
      I disagree with Frank. I think it flows perfectly, but then again that's in how the reader reads it of course. However, now that I go back and look, it looks like you may have went a fixed a few things, so perhaps frank was right after all :) anyways, I enjoyed it! It makes you feel it, which always makes a good write. I think I say that alot, but it's the truth :) Powerful is another one of my favorite words to use when writing about someone else's work. and I'd use it here, again, too. powerful... Good job!
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by nicklacymatthew | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    91430

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry