Description: I am hoping to post a few poems in a local literary journal. I wanted a bit of feedback on the ones I hope to post for the journal, so I decided to post on elite. Please give some good feedback as well as title proposals. I need another title.
melancholymaid
Hmmmm...pang. That word just seems kinda forced. Maybe change this??? "A bird's song sung" then switch the last line to "Freedom has begun"
Kinda makes it a little more happyish and I am not sure if thats what you want, but just my thoughts. I think the title is quite fitting either way. Good luck and thanks for sharing.
I like the imagery here. Let's the reader see through your eyes. I think it needs some tweeking at the end as well. Needs more substance to be effective. I think the title is fitting. After all, it is your work and I believe you should go with your feelings in a matter like this.
Submission Name: Shadow Perception
