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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Maniacdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: diabolicmaggot
    ASL Info:    16/f/The depths of hell
    Elite Ratio:    2.5 - 15/26/11
    Words: 247
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Death
    Total Views: 692
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1543



    Description:
       I just don't get this world to day why would people do this kind of stuff?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Maniacdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The children play all day
    Then it's time for bed
    But something is not right
    It starts to thunder
    The house is silent
    They here footsteps
    Loud and heavy
    Coming straight towards their room
    The little boy and girl hide together in one bed
    For something is not right
    Something is unusual tonight
    They here a dark, deep giggle
    Their door creeks open slightly
    They see eyes staring at them
    The door now swings open
    The children scream and scatter
    They run right past him
    He follows the little girl
    She gets caught in a dead end
    As the little boy runs he hears his sister's cries and pleas but then they stop
    His eyes are wet from tears but he keeps on going
    He runs to his parent's room
    But they aren't there
    He hides under the bed
    Footsteps in the room
    The maniac smiling and giggling
    The boy holds his mouth shut in fear of making a noise
    The footsteps suddenly stop
    The maniac grabs the boy's foot and drags him from under the bed
    He lets out his last scream before his throat is slit wide open
    Hours past and the father walks around
    He goes to where his daughter was slain
    He shed a tear then moves on
    He enters his bedroom and sheds another tear
    He reaches in his closet pulling out a bloody knife
    He cries out in pain
    For he lost and caused three lives that night




    Submitted on 2006-02-15 13:38:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      If this is a story shouldn't it be longer?
    Well, anyway, it sounds more like a summary that you read on the back of a book than an actual story itself, unless that's what it's intended to be. And if that is, in fact, what it was intended to be, then it sounds interesting and I'm actually interested in the final product.

    I wouldn't really count it as a story otherwise though, because it doesn't really have any sense of an ending where there's some kind of a resolution, whether it's the police come and arrest the maniac, or the maniac kills the kids, or whatever it is.

    It'd be great if something more was done with this idea.

    -Adam
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by Trifecta | [ Reply to This ]


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    12. Does it feel original?



    91445

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