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Crush Proof Box


Author: Trifecta
ASL Info:    14.male.Somewhere
Elite Ratio:    5.58 - 32 /34 /28
Words: 325
Class/Type: Lyrics /Longing
Total Views: 1077
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2260



Description:


I like this one a lot. It means a lot to me personally, but I'd still like to see suggestions and other things that could improve it.


Crush Proof Box



Watch you
As you go
One thing comes to my mind
"I could
Have stopped that
If maybe I had tried."
And now that
You're gone
It's hard to be positive
And now that
You're gone...

It seems so long ago
And even if that's when it started
It was destined to be a failure
I still thought about others
And we could barely ever see one another
Like we should have
And suddenly now
The realization has come;
It's not alright

Optimism, it's pretty hard
In such situations
Going on to believe
Something could happen
That's pushing your luck
Way too far

It always seemed
Like I had a chance
To regain all my lost priveleges
But it looks like
I was a believer of false truths
It seems like
I was never truly in the right posistion
And I never even had a fighting chance...

Optimism, it's pretty hard
In such situations
Going on to believe
Something could happen
That's pushing your luck
Way too far

I wish I was crush proof.
I wish I could withstand any amount of pressure.
I wish I was crush proof.
I wish I was unbreakable.

Watching you go
Watching you go
Watching you go
Watching you go
Watching...

Optimism, it's pretty hard
In such situations
Going on to believe
Something could happen
That's pushing your luck
Way too far

-ooh, harmonization!-

I wish I had the structure of a crush proof box
Because this way I wouldn't feel all this pain
I wish I had the structure of a crush proof box
Because that way I wouldn't have to worry
About this extreme pressure
I wish I was more like a crush proof box...
I wish I was more like a crush proof box...
I wish I was more like a crush proof box...

Watching, you go... (basically just repeating that until end of first part...)




Submitted on 2006-02-15 13:51:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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Comments


  Pretty nice. It totally contradicts "Good News" (or was it "Bad News"..well, whichever had the one about you being so headstrong), but since you never mentioned those two writings being connected in any way, there shouldn't be a problem. Love the usage of metaphors, but I agree with the person above me, it's pretty basic. If the whole song was a metaphor (I'm not 100% sure how you'd to that, but I'm not the writer of this piece now am I?), it would sound better.
| Posted on 2006-10-30 00:00:00 | by Two Meters Away | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a basic love song. I wish I knew how you sang it. My favorite line would have to be
"I wish I had the structure of a crush proof box."
You seem to be pretty straight forward with the story. I would like the song more if you had more metaphors. You seem so straight forward during most of the song and then you go into being a crush proof box.
It just doesn't seem that flowy to me, but I do really like the ending.
Thanks for letting me read.
Jinx
| Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by Jinxed | [ Reply to This ]


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