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Full of pain w/ a wish to die I sit in the rain And wonder why I'm worthless w/emotions so bland And I must confess I don't understand Feelings of misery Now fill the hole Where once fit a key That unlocked my soul The key still belongs to you But no longer do I These reasons are few But they explain why |
This was extremely impressive from the beginning to the end and I adored your last pair of lines. I liked the key analogy and personally I Think that with the flow it sounds better as it is. also though one very small (sorry if I'm being to nitpicky) change I might do is to write out with instead of w/ because i think it just looks better at first glance but other than that excellent write. one more thing is it could have maybe been a bit longer, just would have had more emotion and such but it's great as is. can't wait for the next one! peace | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ] | i'm in love with this poem. i think its amazing. the only change i might suggest is that instead of "Where once fit a key" maybe "Where a key once fit" | GREAT job! | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by Roula | [ Reply to This ] | This makes alot of sense, is easy to relate to, and stirrs up memories from the past. In other words, it's good. I agree with Roula though. | Love, -Rob- | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by ThisIsReal | [ Reply to This ] | This piece was good, at the beginning and end. The middle of it seemed to be missing a rhyme somewhere. | | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ] | |