Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Headlights and Heavy Heartsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: haileebobailee
    ASL Info:    18/F/NV
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 30/41/15
    Words: 231
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 672
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1259



    Description:
       I left for college and this is what I wrote after I left the guy I love the most


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeadlights and Heavy Heartsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We drove down the dark road
    in silence, and stillness drowned out the music
    as the clock ticked away
    our last minutes together

    Passing stop signs
    And streetlights
    You looked at me and smiled
    Your face turned
    From green to red
    As the lights changed

    And your eyes
    Let me know
    That the end was
    one right turn and
    a quarter mile away

    We paused in front of your house
    The wind was bitter
    as we stepped onto the concrete
    Where you would take that final walk
    then fall into the emptiness
    of this one street town

    Your arms fit perfectly around my waist
    as you breathed me in,
    and I shut out the world
    and remembered
    The way you said you’d always love me

    When I started to cry
    you didn’t pull away,
    But held me closer
    so that I could cling to you;
    to this last memory

    Without a final word
    just a blank stare and watery eyes
    you let me drive away,
    leaving a cloud of dust
    and the fading glow
    of tail lights in my wake




    Submitted on 2006-02-16 02:14:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I defiantly will agree with the rest of the posts. It was a very sad poem, albeit an amazing one. You use of imagery is very effective. Especially in the
    "Your face turned
    From green to red
    As the lights changed"
    I really enjoyed reading this poem
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by Phobos | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh yes *Tear* There it goes right down my cheek. This poem is awfully sad but beautifully written. Even without the rhyme and it has great structure and flow. The emotions captured in this piece were breath taking. *Tear* There goes another one. I know its hard to just give up something that you love but you get something really beautiful out of it.

    <3 Adalae
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by lifeNsoul1224 | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a beautiful poem...all the emotion...the descriptive words used...not sure i entirely understand it, but i love it anyways...great job
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by tara lee | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice write. Sad, but so decriptive, its beautiful. It reminds me of that song... one headlight, or whatever its called, so sad but beautiful. It really expresses your feelings and emotions, in a way which the reader can truly enjoy. I havent read a poem this unique and of good quality in a while. Kudos. Keep on writing!
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    91555

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Fasade written by jackz
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Push written by JanePlane
    Cover written by saartha
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    I Do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry