Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: these giftsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: hayl
    ASL Info:    17/f/singapore
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 52/47/21
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 737
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1038



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthese giftsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    for you my heart
    i give.
    with everything it is.
    for you to love
    and to love you in return
    without question
    or doubt.
    with all the capacity
    of its capability.

    for you my spirit
    to own and ride
    to bring to great heights with your love
    with your being.
    and you're inner physique.
    my spirit, is for you
    wild and open
    for you to come in.

    for you my body.
    i give this without regret.
    for the pleasure you provide me with
    physically causes my heart to
    beat faster
    and my spirit to soar high
    above the highest statures.

    this, my body, i give to you.
    for warmth and to keep warm.
    to taste and to feel.
    to enter as you please..
    to please you.
    while you please me.

    so take everything i have.
    all that i am.
    it is all for you.
    i don't want anything left for me.





    Submitted on 2006-02-16 11:15:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was very well done. I could feel what you wanted to give to that person, nothing and everthing. Some of it though seamed a little unclear-I can't point it out but there is just something. Ehh, maybe it's just me. lol

    Keep up the work.

    ~Meagan
    | Posted on 2007-02-25 00:00:00 | by the_truth | [ Reply to This ]
      The last line reminded me SO much of Moonstruck...when Cher and Nicolas Cage are on the bed, and she goes, "Leave nothing left for him to marry, leave nothing left for me..."
    And he goes, "All right. There will be nothing left..."
    Sounds a little too sacrificial to really be about love, cause love's supposed to go both ways, isn't it? And the 'enter as you please' scared me. Like you're giving yourself up for (I'm assuming the subject in question is male, for the sake of argument, not political correctness) his pleasure. Tis actually well written, though. Typos and junk, but those can be fixed. Good day, dahling.

    ~Later Days~
    Mel
    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    91589

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry