Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Observations on a Mud Puddledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cigarz
    ASL Info:    35/M/NH
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 258/183/50
    Words: 196
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 267
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1437



    Description:
       OK, another reference piece. Please Google up Wallace Stevens' "Thirteen Ways of Looking At A Blackbird" before commenting on any aspect of form. The premise is multiple, non-flowing stanzas dealing with the same object/item/topic, each with it's own unique view. Some of these I'm quite fond of, others I think can be strengthened. Go to town on them;)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsObservations on a Mud Puddledots
    -------------------------------------------


    I
    After a torrential rain
    the mud puddle is an obstacle
    for me to drive around,
    being mindful of hidden pot holes.

    II
    A microcosm of life
    lives briefly
    in a temporary mud puddle.

    III
    Water in a brown mud puddle
    is gritty and warm,
    and men will drink
    if they are thirsty enough.

    IV
    Rimmed with paper-thin ice
    the mud puddle bobs
    with slush and is bottomed
    with dissolving salt.

    V
    With a new pair of boots,
    I prefer to side step
    the mud puddle,
    waiting instead for a day
    to come along
    when I no longer care.

    VI
    There is no reflection
    in a mud puddle
    unless you look directly
    into the depths from above.

    VII
    The smallest
    mud puddle
    hasn't long to live,
    as the slimy edge
    is drying away.

    VIII
    The mud puddle doesn't question
    why it is there
    only what is coming next.

    IX
    She only thought of college
    and the paths criss-crossing
    an old campus.
    One, passing the shadowed place,
    was prone to mud puddles
    after the rain.

    X
    An Americanized origami
    floats past
    a twig
    in an opportune
    mud puddle.




    Submitted on 2006-02-16 11:48:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The only real critique I have is of the first verse, last line. The way this is written, the mud puddle is the one being mindful of hidden pot holes instead of you. Changing the last sentence to "I am mindful of..." would make it, technically, correct.

    The only other one that I have problems with is IX...it just doesn't seem to flow very well for some reason.

    My favoite is the last one, although I'm a bit muddled as to what an "Americanized" origami might be...

    Nice job, interesting form/subject
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm glad you didn't call this "Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Mud Puddle" and do thirteen stanzas because that would have a bit too predictable. I like several of these very much: stanzas six, eight, and ten are my favorites. They all have fresh imagery. I often write poems like this as a writing exercise. Nicely done, Amy
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      i have to say, from now on when ever i look at a mud puddle ill never look at it the same way again haha. its VERY unique which in my eyes is VERY kool. i didnt really understand this part

    VII
    The smallest
    mud puddle
    hasn't long to live,
    as the slimy edge
    is drying away.

    but otherwise its great
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by broken_senseles | [ Reply to This ]
      You certainly kept the theme of mud puddles going and was able to interchange it with different topics. I liked the way it all connected, but still had it's own individuality in each stanza. I loved 5 and 6 the most. I love the way you are not afraid to try new styles and the way you explain to your readers how you came about each writing. You make it all seem so easy. That is a good teacher. Good job Todd.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      The Prophet Mohammed said that every story has seven meanings depending on the view of the person that hears it.

    Certainly every puddle has many meanings as well.

    I find this to be insightful, well conceived and executed.

    Great job!

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      When my neice was three just jumped into a mud puddle proclaiming it was the Truckee River, HA! They have different meanings to all I reckon and you have put quite a few thoughtful scenarios together of that here. Very creative and chock full of imagery. Nice job Todd.
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Cigarz
    I liked this write of yours
    In this write you show one needs to look carefully at every obstacle to find its many uses and its many positives
    I think you wrote this perfectly
    Excellent Job
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.