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    dots Submission Name: Eternal Remembrancedots

    Author: wasif
    ASL Info:    18/m/Delhi
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 47/42/16
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Mirror or Mask
    Total Views: 822
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 748

       this piece of poetry talks of a thought - a melancholy of actually tryin to find so answers in life and even crown 'my eternal remembrance'.

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    dotsEternal Remembrancedots

    In the moonlit night,
    I sat as a distant Charmer,
    Upon the vision of which-
    Perhaps-I -a beauty visioned.
    Not caring for the life, that is -
    An Eternal Remembrance...

    As I walk the sand,
    Upon the remains- undug,
    I see, I sense, I believe- much,
    Not a void- or waste,
    may be what I call -
    An Eternal Remembrance...

    The dream, if could,
    just be dreamt- as I visioned.
    Not caring much or so,
    Just be real; if not much,
    What I then realize- and feel,
    Is that my melancholy,
    Yes, so- my melancholy,
    Is the gaps you left in my space,
    And perhaps that, it is You -
    My Eternal Remembrance...

    Submitted on 2006-02-16 20:51:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very staccato sounding piece, and was a repetitive toward the melancholy parts, which is not neccessarily bad, I just think other words would best be used. Other than that, this piece is decent to good and has its own flavor.
    Keep Writing-
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm a rather new poet so my comments may be disgarded. I have to agree that it sounds a little choppy but I guess if it is about a thought or thoughts, then it should be. I know that I tend to think rather sporadically in my own head:) Overall I thought it was ok.
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by owlman23 | [ Reply to This ]

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