Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Eternal Remembrancedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wasif
    ASL Info:    18/m/Delhi
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 47/42/16
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Mirror or Mask
    Total Views: 822
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 748



    Description:
       this piece of poetry talks of a thought - a melancholy of actually tryin to find so answers in life and even crown 'my eternal remembrance'.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEternal Remembrancedots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the moonlit night,
    I sat as a distant Charmer,
    Upon the vision of which-
    Perhaps-I -a beauty visioned.
    Not caring for the life, that is -
    An Eternal Remembrance...

    As I walk the sand,
    Upon the remains- undug,
    I see, I sense, I believe- much,
    Not a void- or waste,
    may be what I call -
    An Eternal Remembrance...

    The dream, if could,
    just be dreamt- as I visioned.
    Not caring much or so,
    Just be real; if not much,
    What I then realize- and feel,
    Is that my melancholy,
    Yes, so- my melancholy,
    Is the gaps you left in my space,
    And perhaps that, it is You -
    My Eternal Remembrance...




    Submitted on 2006-02-16 20:51:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very staccato sounding piece, and was a repetitive toward the melancholy parts, which is not neccessarily bad, I just think other words would best be used. Other than that, this piece is decent to good and has its own flavor.
    Keep Writing-
    Bill
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm a rather new poet so my comments may be disgarded. I have to agree that it sounds a little choppy but I guess if it is about a thought or thoughts, then it should be. I know that I tend to think rather sporadically in my own head:) Overall I thought it was ok.
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by owlman23 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    91677

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry