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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Until I See You Againdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Justmenow14
    ASL Info:    34 female mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.94 - 79/76/20
    Words: 418
    Class/Type: Poetry/Lostfriend
    Total Views: 2276
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2325



    Description:
       i thank you all for your comments.. the reference to 'blob' in this poem is a nickname.. we called each other blob for fifteen yrs.. just so people understand what that has to do with it..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUntil I See You Againdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Until I See You Again
    By: Lisa

    I stood in front of your family and your friends as I started to speak,
    Hoping to make it through without showing that inside I was just so weak.
    I tried to do you justice, to have your memory shine,
    As I looked out at your precious little girls, a chill ran up my spine.
    My insides trembled and my voice started to crack,
    Knowing the love of their mom no one could ever give back.
    Your husband tried to smile at me from his seat in the front pew,
    He was trying to tell me that it was okay to say good-bye to you.
    His arms will never again have you to hold though thatís where you took your last breath,
    I see him as your complete strength, even in death.
    The tears I cry are selfish, the sorrow I feel is for me,
    For I could wish nothing more than for you to be set free.
    No more pain, no more sorrow; you are finally at rest,
    For the time I had you in my life, I feel completely blessed.
    As I talked about the friend you were my eyes rest on your mom and your dad,
    The sadness sets deeper for they are burying the youngest child they had.
    I ran my hand along your casket as I headed back to my seat,
    Trying to hold onto the fact that we will again, someday, meet.
    At the cemetery, everyone gathered all around,
    As we silently said a prayer for you at your final resting ground
    I couldnít stop the tears and the pain seemed to expand as each one fell,
    Walking up to the casket, a white rose I grasped, as I said one last and final farewell.
    I turn and walk away leaving behind a friend like no other,
    You were a wonderful daughter, friend, wife and a tremendous mother.
    I told you that youíd always be apart of me, that will remain true,
    For I would be less of a person had I not known you.
    So as the time slips by and I try to except that youíre really gone,
    I promise to help your memory forever live on.
    Thank you for being you, blob and letting me be me,
    Iíll meet you at the pearly gates, when itís my time to be set free...












    Written 12-12-05





    Submitted on 2006-02-16 22:55:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm. I also lost a friend to long suffering sickness. He had been the one true friend I'd had for a long time and the cancer took him. He died almost exactly a month before my mother. Yes very ironic to lose your best friend and your mother to the same degenerative disease a month apart. I see and feel the pain you experienced and I hope yoy have found some cnsolation of some sort since then. You ask why I'm so wise. Experience teaches us all.
    Loveage,
    Mike
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      My first impression upon seeing your poem is, "too lengthy!" There were just too many words cramped up in that small space that it makes the entire peice looking... well, not so interesting to read. I have a thing for brevity I'm afraid. But I've set aside that mentality for now, and after reading it, I must say that it's a fairly good piece. It's very personal and the thing I like about it is that it tells a story while expressing the grief felt by the speaker.

    May I suggest though that instead of using "blessed" for your line "For the time I had you in my life, I feel completely blessed," use 'blest' like Shakespeare. :) It will rhyme with "rest" in the preceding line.

    Also, I thought the word "blob" on the second to the last line was a little off. I don't know what it means or what you're trying to convey, and it just doesn't sound as if it fits the flow of the line.

    That's just my opinion though. But good rhyming! Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by Vangielyn | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know much about poetry in general, rhymes or flow or any of that, but just got done reading this and "the Beast took Control," and I felt that both were magnificent pieces. I have no real suggestions other than that the word "blob" in the second to last line kind of detracts from the poem. It doesn't feel like it belongs there, but you know what you want done with your piece, so I'll leave your poem in your hands.

    I'm sorry that you lost your friend though. I can't console you, but I admire your strength for carrying on. I've known too many people who simply gave up and died inside. It reminded me of watching my grandmother wither away from cancer a few years back.

    Peace be with you and the family of the departed.
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Rastine Aristat | [ Reply to This ]
      I was going to rip on the lack of rhythm in your poem when I read the first two lines, but suddenly, this line:
    As I looked out at your precious little girls, a chill ran up my spine
    omg it's so sad. Your poem is so sad. That made me think of my sister and me and my mom... who is ok, thank god.. The poem's content is good, heart-wrenching, even, but you should give each couplet the same amount of syllables. It'll just sound better.
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Kristen Gudsnuk | [ Reply to This ]
      This was another powerful monologue, it just captured how you felt along with your friends family and friends. I was so moved by your sincire thoughts..Only the greatest and best of friends receive such beautiful fairwells. She is fortunate to have had a friend who loved her until her departure from the gross planet to the celetial planet. Many of us will draw from this piece "ATTIQUETE OF BEING A TRUE FRIEND"...The world needs more of your calibre..You are a rare breed!I do hope that you continue to find peace in the 15 years you spent with your dear friend..BE HAPPY...Nobantu
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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