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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The American Soldierdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: __symphony__
    ASL Info:    18/sc/USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.31 - 24/22/7
    Words: 221
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 245
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1279



    Description:
       This symbolizes the dedication of our troops in Iraq and the hopeful future we hope to attain.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe American Soldierdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Gunshots are heard at a distance,and bombs are dropping everywhere.
    My friend is dying by my side and the smell of rotting flesh is hanging in the air.


    I am an American soldier fighting in this epic war,
    To give to others a freedom that my forefathers once fought for.


    Many people ask me why,why do I put up with all the pain,
    I look to them with pride,I look to them without shame.


    I am an american soldier fighting in this epic war,
    To give to others a freedom that my forefathers once fought for.


    One day when I'm old and grey and my children's children look at me,
    They'll say, "Grandpa tell us that story in your life when you were as young as me,
    When guns were shooting at a distance and bombs were dropping everywhere,
    Of your friend that died by your side, while the smell of rotting flesh hung in the air."

    And then I'll look at them, with a smile on my face,
    And say what I said before when I came back from that epic war,

    I was an American soldier fighting in an epic war,
    To give to others the freedom that my forefathers once fought for.




    Submitted on 2006-02-17 02:39:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the concept of the poem but it was really repetitious, and the last few lines need some work.

    " I was an American soldier fighting in an epic war" I think should be cut from "And then I'll look at them, with a smile on my face,
    And say what I said before when I came back from that epic war,"

    either that or put somehwere else because you say it right after that.

    Im not trying to be mean or anything. Just advice, I hope that it works well for you...

    <3 Adalae
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by lifeNsoul1224 | [ Reply to This ]
      Really good, it had such depth and meaning! It didn't really flow smoothly, but the rhyme scheme wasn't bad. I'm adding this to my Favs.
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by BigRed | [ Reply to This ]
      That was a great poem. It probably really makes people understand the soldiers and how ..it really is out there in war. Its great that you made a poem about the troops in Iraq.
    I am an american soldier fighting in this epic war,
    To give to others a freedom that my forefathers once fought for

    ^ I love that part. Thats why the soldiers are there. We are all fighting for something one way or another. Great poem
    inkpen
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]



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