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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blood of the Sundots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rue
    ASL Info:    16/F/the dark side
    Elite Ratio:    4.54 - 244/182/44
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 891
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 518



    Description:
       Whoa, it's like, freeverse, but with a scheme. I don't know how this came about, I found it in my journal, pretty messy and crooked over the page. Don't know when I wrote it. Tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlood of the Sundots
    -------------------------------------------


    Many moons will drift and die,
    Like grains in an hourglass are livid and lie,
    In the audience- glazed and immortal,
    Of queens and poorer mass,
    Any who've enough to own the hourglass.
    And the deprived are controlled by the sun and the stars.
    Though in truth they may be the wiser.
    For no clock like Big Ben is as bright as a cloudless night with shots of wolf silver in the sky.
    And nothing feels better than velvet impurities bathed in the blood of the sun.




    Submitted on 2006-02-17 08:03:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is very interesting. I think that the assorted rhyme schemes work in a strange way. I also enjoyed the title. It was eye catching.
    Keep up the good work,
    Torie
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by lebeauvide | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, definitely an interesting write. You do seem to slip in and out of iambic meter in places, and the random lines feet rhymes are different as well.

    'Like grains in an hourglass are livid and lie,'

    For this line, I would delete 'are' to give it a smoother flow and a more ironic voice.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Todd. This was an interesting piece and it had somewhat of its own tone and rythm.
    I liked "wolf silver in the sky." That was pretty cool sounding and I liked saying it to myself over and over. Dont be offended if you see that saying in one of my pieces soon to come. It was short and sweet. Original an kind. Thanks for this write and hopefully we will see you again sometime in the future. Take care

    -Respect
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by irish storm | [ Reply to This ]
      I fail to see the shceme in this one. I agree with Todd. And I add that this seem to have no direction. You used great imagery and your word chose was great, but it made no sense to me. Overall, this was good.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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