Writing this about that. I wish I knew how to be happy.
How, what, why where, when Who -------------------------------------------
How did this black inside me get so deep?
Why do I think these things that I cannot speak?
How does my mind set to and whirl so much?
Why is my happiness lost but bitterness easy to clutch?
Where did the hate come from that spawns all this crap?
Who did I become when my soul collapsed?
Where is this strength that everyone 'sees'?
Who caused this pain? Dear God, not me.
What happened to my smiles and kindness when it mattered?
When did the occasion occur that caused contentment to be shattered?
What will become of me now I feel dead?
When will this numbness shift from my soul, heart and head?
It reflects the genre well but i would've thought of it more as lyrics then a poem (though i appreciate it is possible for something to be both) the line
How does my mind set to and whirl so much?
confuses me somewhat and seems not to fit in with the rest so well. The formality in this poem changes alot it seems with "When did the occasion occur" contrastinng with " Dear God, not me." but i like that as it gives it an extra dimension The continual questioning is a good idea but makes it seem slightly vague perhaps if you changed it around a little more to give a few more answers it might work. Of course its always up to the author what they think and if people make you change it to much then it becomes their work not yours so please ignore me :D other then that i enjoyed it alot nice write :) Angel
I enjoyed reading this. I think that you lost your flow more than once and that you sometimes asked questions that threw me off by the way you worded them. I too thought this was vague, it would of I think made a greater impact if we had a idea why you asking all these questions. Overall, this was really nice.
*BRAVO* this is really insightful and cleverly writing...there are times when we all wish that we had some sorta answer to all of these Q's. just one lil comment: the word "crap" didnt fit that well when i read the poem.
Submission Name: How, what, why where, when Who
