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    dots Submission Name: Just As Idots

    Author: wasif
    ASL Info:    18/m/Delhi
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 47/42/16
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 511

       i believe the poetry is quite self explanatory.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust As Idots

    Kingly gestures - just?
    mocking the cradle,
    Thoght I;
    Passinate Buffet, for
    A thirsty Greed,
    Victimized I;
    A dance, in a Ball,
    With the swords and guns?
    Belief in I;
    Not charity to the blue-eyed?
    A pocket of warmth- overflow,
    Grief I;
    in dream- a humour,
    A serendipity,
    Sensed I;
    Above Thee- nothing I'll say,
    Just a Thought,
    As Blind As I...

    Submitted on 2006-02-17 12:38:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I read your poem and it threw me back into another century. Great wording. I didn't follow the pattern totally but enjoyed the piece thoroughly.

    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Crackwalker | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, it did seem old age and that's what I liked so much about it. Don't use "I" so much, it does take away from it a little bit. It had a good flow and I liked the way you wrote it. Great write.
    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      This was good except for the fact that you used "I" 6 different times. I'm almost sure it was for the pattern, but it justmade you sound like you couldn't find any other wrod, or letters for that fact to use. I really liked the flow, and how you used serendipity. Great job, but if I were you I would re-write this because it really does have a lot of potential!!!
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]

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