Description: Some crazy thing I wrote ont he back of my civics homework after gym class. It's kind of about being stuck without an escape from reality, it hit me when I was just staring at the plain, ugly lockers, completely unelevated and bored.
reality of mine -------------------------------------------
It's a flat reality
echoing empty phrases
of compassionless mortality
screaming for remorse.
It's exterior is blinding
Though bleeding entrails claim
there is no darker enemy
and no one is to blame.
There is nothing to be done
But brood, tune it out
It takes a voice much stronger
to embrace going without.
Endorphins spawned in dreams
Torment this Nightmare Queen
Taunting memories drown their screams
Paying for pain and subliminal distraction.
So your the girl version of me, pleased to meet you. I liked this alot, I write crap like this all the time but this one sticks out to me. The way you address a different reality "It's a flat reality echoing empty phrases" the one that fades in when your on your own and have nothing else to think about, its scary [censored]. So basically what I mean is I can relate to this.
( I like your hippie avatar, adds a cool vibe about you and your poetry. You look at things with older eyes)
Okay, you lost me. You got all these words from looking at a locker? This was dark and hard to dicepher. I think this lacked subtanance and clarity. I could not enjoy this because it was so thrown together to me. this had alot of pretty words...but that was all it had going for it. I hope I don't offend you with my critiquing. I am just telling you how I view this poem. No harm intended.
This my Friend is truefully a deep write When I read you wrote this from seeing a locker I was Spellbound The use of the words you used and the emotion you captured our fantastic I certainly am looking forward to more writes from you And by the way the drawing matched perfectly with the write God Bless Ron