Oh it's so emmooo. It's like, the ultimate reenage cliché, and I'm very sorry that you couldn't break through it. No offense however, for I didn't either. I wrote poems like this... often question filled, and actually had the balls to give them to the guys I liked. It's embarassing to look back on, in a few cases. But things will progress, and you'll get cooler things to write about than love. Peace, rock and roll, -rue
Yeah, there were a few clichés... but you got across what it was you were trying to get across... well how I see it. I have no problems with the questions, if you ask me, it was a good idea. After all, it was questions that were going through your mind.
Overall your rhyming's not bad. I think you could maybe work on the last stanza, it doesn't really give a satisfying finish. In fact I don't really understand what it's saying. Maybe it could be used to sum up the whole idea behind the poem. If you read over it again, you'll see what I mean.
Good luck with the rest of your writing endeavours. -Lulu la Feyne
uhh... the other comments seem to dislike your work because it's pretty much clichéd (seems) or whatever. But, different people have different opinions and i kinda liked your write even though i admit that it also seems clichéd for me (so what if it is, right? ^_^). Anyway, the first stanza made me reminisce about my past, really touching ^_^ I agree that the last stanza didn't give a satisfying ending and kinda brings up some questions about the girl in the poem (or maybe thats what is supposed to happen?) All in all, in a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest, i'd rate this write a 7.5 or 8 ^_^ nice work *thumbs up*
Very nicely put I believe you were referring to one who was the evreything to one young Lady When this man broke that bond created by Love he didnt realize that bond would forever live in her heart That is the sad part about relationships When they end they never seem to end peacefully God Bless Ron
Please if you get a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron
I liked your idea. but I did not like all the questions. The whole poem was nothing but questions. I was hoping that you expand on why this mattered to you if this guy liked this other girl, and how it made you feel. Your flow was very good, and your rhyming was good. I just think you may want to add more to this instead nothing but questions. I mean no offense, just want to help. Overall, this was good.