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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Questionable Feelingsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ChaosSubmission
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 18/30/8
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 683
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1075



    Description:
       Just a bunch of questions i threw into a poem after school one day. Lots been going on, had to get it out somehow.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsQuestionable Feelingsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You say you loved her then
    You say you always will
    But did you really love her
    Or do you love her still?

    What do you feel when you see her
    Dancing in the moonlight?
    What do you feel when you see her
    The glint on her skin so bright?

    What do you feel when you see her
    Smiling so happy at you?
    What do you feel when you see her
    Looking so glum and blue?

    Was it her that made you happy?
    Was it her that pulled you through?
    Would you die if something happened?
    Would you unstick like old glue?

    Should something ever happen
    To make you break away
    Would you travel all through the night
    Just to see her happy one more day?

    Well, she was only happy
    Whenever you were near
    Anything you ever said to her
    Always took away her fears

    Something now has changed you
    Made you pull away far
    There is where she'll always look
    Wishing upon those stars.




    Submitted on 2006-02-17 19:43:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Oh it's so emmooo. It's like, the ultimate reenage cliché, and I'm very sorry that you couldn't break through it. No offense however, for I didn't either. I wrote poems like this... often question filled, and actually had the balls to give them to the guys I liked. It's embarassing to look back on, in a few cases. But things will progress, and you'll get cooler things to write about than love. Peace, rock and roll, -rue
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, there were a few clichés... but you got across what it was you were trying to get across... well how I see it. I have no problems with the questions, if you ask me, it was a good idea. After all, it was questions that were going through your mind.

    Overall your rhyming's not bad. I think you could maybe work on the last stanza, it doesn't really give a satisfying finish. In fact I don't really understand what it's saying. Maybe it could be used to sum up the whole idea behind the poem. If you read over it again, you'll see what I mean.

    Good luck with the rest of your writing endeavours.
    -Lulu la Feyne
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Lulu La Feyne | [ Reply to This ]
      uhh... the other comments seem to dislike your work because it's pretty much clichéd (seems) or whatever. But, different people have different opinions and i kinda liked your write even though i admit that it also seems clichéd for me (so what if it is, right? ^_^). Anyway, the first stanza made me reminisce about my past, really touching ^_^ I agree that the last stanza didn't give a satisfying ending and kinda brings up some questions about the girl in the poem (or maybe thats what is supposed to happen?)
    All in all, in a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest, i'd rate this write a 7.5 or 8 ^_^ nice work *thumbs up*

    - Fallen...
    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by Fallen One | [ Reply to This ]
      tooo much cliché on her.. but i think it was wuiet good till suddenly i lost te flo of thi wrtiting.. well . i hopw you write some new stuff..
    and .. wel ... peace and love!
    Victor!
    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nicely put
    I believe you were referring to one who was the evreything to one young Lady
    When this man broke that bond created by Love he didnt realize that bond would forever live in her heart
    That is the sad part about relationships
    When they end they never seem to end peacefully
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked your idea. but I did not like all the questions. The whole poem was nothing but questions. I was hoping that you expand on why this mattered to you if this guy liked this other girl, and how it made you feel. Your flow was very good, and your rhyming was good. I just think you may want to add more to this instead nothing but questions. I mean no offense, just want to help. Overall, this was good.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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