The Forgotten by lenotoire

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Submission Name: The Forgotten dots

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Author:	lenotoire
ASL Info:	32/F/Northern Michigan
Elite Ratio:	8 - 466/177/22
Words:	165

Class/Type:	Misc/
Total Views:	352
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	949

Description:
When I first posted this piece, I didn't add a description to it.

This piece was a result of a comment I recieved from on1eday.co.uk on my piece Flames Of My Fate. He told me that he wondered how that piece would turn out if I had not restricted myself to rhyme. I kind of took it as a little challenge he was throwing out, whether that was his intention or not.

This piece here is a result. No restrictions with the added benefit that I have moved past the memories that inspired that piece and finally laid them to rest.

It is funny how one small comment can help someone so much. Whether this piece is good or bad, I thank on1eday for that comment.

The Forgotten dots

-------------------------------------------

I stand at the abyss of the forgotten,
looking out on the sea
that has created itself
from the oblivion that I have felt.
The past undulates
before my eyes
like a tidal wave on a distant shore,
and I scream out
to those demons
cast in stone amongst the dead,
that lay in their shadows.
Ribbons of terror slash through me
like the talons of the dragon
that burns the flesh
of those in hell,
as the fires of sunset speak to me
through the voices of those
I dare not name.
For to name them,
would be to remember them,
and to remember them,
would be to feel.

So, now I turn and walk away.
Away from the chasm
I have created
as a crypt for them.
I will not endure
the agony of destruction
at their hands
yet again.

Submitted on 2006-02-17 23:10:19 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Ohhh those Forgotten inner demons that lurk around the corner, waiting for the chance to re-expose themselves and make your life a living hell. I know, Ive gone through several of them. A few in particular were worse than others.

I thought the lines:
For to name them,
would be to remember them,
and to remember them,
would be to feel.

were incredibly effective. They laid out the process in which one remembers the worst, and proposes the worst concequence: to feel.
What it would be like to feel those concequences again is worse than one could imagine... when you think you've finally escaped from these dark memories, something brings you back to them, even though you've worked long and hard to escape the reality.

I have always been one to face my fears, and over coming them by pushing them away seems to be the easy way out.
Anyways, this write really got me thinking. Which is what poetry is supposed to do! So you accomplished its purpose very well.

Good work and good luck!
-Ann
| Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
  wow...you are a bit different aren't you? i know everyone is different, but i just can't do what you do. my poems HAVE to have stupid rhyme restrictions, if i try and do anything otherwise it just comes out as random crap.

you've done really well with this, i'd like to think i know what a good poem is, even if i can't write one myself. you should be proud of this.

oh by the way thanks for your comment on mine, you are right, it needed changing and still does, i still want to describe her more/better but i've lengthened it and tried to make it flow better.

still has rhyme restrictions though..when you use an AABA pattern rhyme even if I try and make the rhymes approximate rather than exact, it still looks like the work of an 11 year old unless you are very clever at this sort of thing.

thanks for your time, and your poem

Jay
| Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
  Damn, I loved that. Increadibly visual story. I actually forgot that I was reading a poem for the imagery.
"Ribbons of terror slash through me"
That has to be one of the most quotable and most powerful lines I have ever read in a piece of literature.
THis is a piece that speaks of triumph over your fears, but also tells of a burried pain. One which is hidden, even from yourself, but that may rise up once more to haunt your soul. When finaly you can "name them," I think that you will be free of them forever. I don't know, you may already be free of your demons, or they may simply be as the old saying says, "laid to rest" And as we all know, laid to rest and "dead and forgotten" are two different things. I'm glad to hear that you have come to terms with the skeletons in your closet. May they never rise up and usurp control again. Thanks for these encouraging lines and Salaam.
| Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by Rastine Aristat | [ Reply to This ]
  Colorful language, sad topic, unfulfillment, standing "at the abyss", looking at a "sea" "of oblivion". Seeing the "demons" "amongst the dead" that create "terror", "torn "flesh", and whose only alternative is "to feel".

Yet you leave us with hope, "I will not endure" "at their hands / yet again".

Whatever are these demons, or who are they? We want to know, but there is no answer, and that's okay, because we know somehow they will be conquered.

Carefully constructed, brilliantly worded, treating a sensitive subject allegorically, giving us images of a darker nature, Well done.

Phil
| Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm, memories that we would rather not have, eh? We all have those.

I liked this, with the abyss you wrote of, as a "hell" that you have sentenced the things you'd rather not surface. Very graphic descriptions give it an "inferno" feel.

Neatly done, past loves...why...why...why?

be happy

Graeme

| Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  You've forgotten parts of yourself and resigned them to oblivion it seems... painful memories, dark episodes in life... unfulfillmient as Phil noted... this is what I get from it.

This was rhythmically easy to read out and digest... it's nice to see you posting again Crystal... it seems like you got over your brief patch of writer's block ay?

Peace,

Jase
| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  Crystal has a new one!!! Crystal has a new one!!

And a pretty &%$# good one it is. You've worded this very VERY well. There's drama all over this. This is a piece that needs to be read aloud. I can easily imagine some Shakesperean actor delivering this piece and inspiring fear in Satan himself.

There are a number of great lines here, but one section stands out

For to name them,
would be to remember them,
and to remember them,
would be to feel.

That's so good that I want to break hearts with it. If this was a play instead of a poem, I would want a magnificent, powerful delivery right up to the word "would". Then a contemplative pause, followed by a quieter tone "would be to feel". I don't how to translate that to paper, perhaps:

For to name them, would be to remember them,
and to remember them would be...

to remember them would be to feel.

I need to shut up now. I'm grasping at straws looking to improve perfection, BEEEUtiful piece.

Steve
| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
  very powerful and well written. i tend to prefer
non-rhyming poems myself.. although a good rhyme is a good rhyme..

i like the power that you take back in this, walking
away from that abyss and refusing the destruction
that those demons are so good at. brava!!

peace,
~Cat
| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, I like this. It's like an exorcism, yeah? I found it inspirational, and incidentally, I think that I'm starting to "get" the punctuation thing in poetry. Thought it was done right here. I pretty much just don't bother myself with it, and after reading this, realize what a power it can lend.

I especially like the way you say that you won't name them so as not to feel them. Not even gonna give em that! Like this a lot, and will return to read often. Thanks for the comment as well, I'm new here, and have always had these things going around in my head, but have never written them down. This is such a great place to learn, everybody's supportive. Thanks again, very much!
Toby
| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by afterglow | [ Reply to This ]
  Amazed. I'm am amazed by this poem. This was just so touching and beautiful...I'm speechless. That rarely happens! lol. I felt so much of the feelings you listed in my own life that is was like reading my journal. The past can hurt you if you let it, and taking control over the demons is taking back your power, Making the past more important then need be creates a bigger monster made by our own hands. You expressed yourself beyond well in this poem. This is my first time reading your work...I do believe I will read more of it when I have more time. Great job!

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh my! I have sat here for five minutes, reading and re-reading this piece, trying to find the right words for my comment. And it is tough.

The concept that sometimes you have to forget to stop the hurt and be able to continue living is mind-blowing. I don't think I've ever been hurt that deeply. (And I hope I never do.)

This piece made my heart hurt. It's not a piece I can easily say I love, but the emotion in it is so intense that is my newest fav's addition.

It's good to see you writing again. I good to have your words on my screen. I missed this!

I'm glad the demons have been laid to rest,

Take Care of Yourself!

Chell
| Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very good poem. I am a big fan of the meaning of the poem and not so much about the rhyme of a poem. Often I read poems and it seems the rhyme only distracts me from the overall meaning behind the words. Not that they all do, but often. This poem is packed with emotion and heartache. It is very well written and expressed and filled with some really good imagery. You really allow the reader to connect with your feelings and allow them to feel the depth of the pain you write about here. I have nothing to criticize with this poem. It is really very good and heart wrenching indeed. The ending here is a great ending to this poem. You wrap this one up nicely with this stanza, walking away leaving those people and memories in your past. Very good. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very well written write
I take this write as throwing away the negativity and letting it never again absorb your soul
I did this exctly 8 months ago and I swear to you I have never felt better
Avery good and important write
God Bless
Ron

Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

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