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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: White Truthdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wasif
    ASL Info:    18/m/Delhi
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 47/42/16
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 800
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1095



    Description:
       this is a staccato poetry with more of like a conversation b/n God n me. the poem is self xplanatory and has deep very deep thought hidden in it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhite Truthdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The door opened, and it opened wide.
    The very glow of light deed seep in,
    Touched the texture of my contours-
    and whispered softly into my ear:
    ' come in... enter with glee'
    My heart did skip a beat or two-
    My eyes did shine a glimpse or so.
    My feet trembled, but i went on
    The aisle was long, but I dared...
    I walked, made the Path.
    At a distance, I, a silhouette felt,
    and followed suite.
    What surprize awaited me to see- God Himself?
    Asked Thee 'what am I destined?
    You smiled and did'st say:
    ' I made thee as the Universe-
    nor I chose the fate of Universe,
    nor I of thee.'
    Perplexed as I should be, asked I,
    'You are the ho;der of the pillars of Heaven-
    The cradle of our birth-
    Then how should I accept what Thee spake?'
    You smiled again;
    And did take me by the hand to show-
    Stars glow;
    They glow not of Light,
    But they chose to be so,
    So they shiine Everyday.




    Submitted on 2006-02-18 00:38:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm...this had a good start, but you lost me towards the end. You may need to clarify better who is speaking when their is dialogue. And I was confused at the end, what did you seek from god, why did have you there, what did you learn from him, and clearly, why did he not tell you your fate? If you can incorporate these few thing in, it will be clearer for the reader to discern and enjoy. I mean no harm or offense. I am just trying to help. Overall, very good.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      I love what you are doing with this.

    I am a big fan of mystic poets.

    The message is clear and on point. We choose to shine in our life...

    I struggle a bit with the style of old english. I don't think you need it to make your point. I think I'd like to see it in modern vocabulary.

    Stool, the most important thing here is your message, I love it!

    Good job!

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]


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