Description: Just the way I see Time, age, wisdom and life folding into each other to create what we all want...Any comment is welcome the more honest the more I like it.
Wise old man -------------------------------------------
Watching the time fall to the floor.
a Wise old man stand at the open door.
It's time to go.
Are you packing?.
He lost all he had to gain what he knows.
His name is life.
You've seen him before.
With marks on his face and broken hands.
As you see him.
He opens another jar of unspent time.
Packing it out for you to live.
Racing against you to see you succeed.
He lost all to gain what he knows.
Watching the time fall to floor.
Life keeps a broken score.
It's for you live.
Time rolling untill you fall.
Crawling with opertunities.
For you to try.
For you to try.
No one can live your life like you can.
It was given to you.
To make the best of it.
The old wise man.
Smoking his pipe of years go by.
You can't catch him, don't try.
He laughs when you win.
With marks on his face.
this was a very interesting poem. i liked it alot. however, i suggest yuo change "He lost all he had to gain what he knows" to He lost all he had to gain. and in the fifth stanza, dont just repeat "for you to try" just to make the lines even. and in the 6th stanza where you have written " the wise old man" you should cange the line because it doesnt seem to fit into place over there. but i enjoyed the idea and it was very nicely written
Very interesting. Unique. I give you points for creativity. I think the flow kinda stumbles in there at a part...but it is great.I don't really relate, but whatever. We all have different views of things.
I agree with KelseyJo. It's very unique and creative. It's like you're describing life in this one wise old man. I don't know if it flowed very well, but it's still pretty good, and I'm not sure if I liked the ending much. It almost reminds me of a puzzle or something like in a book or something. It like the idea of what you're going for. Interesting.
Also, its "opportunities".(Uh..I think.) Sorry, spelling gets to me sometimes. <33
i loved it..my favorite parts where when you said "Watching the time fall to the floor."..the imagery was awsome..i was playing it out in my head..i'd have to disagree with the two post under me, i thought i flowed very well..but then again everyone reads things differently..it was really interesting and weird, i don't see a lot of pieces like this which is really cool and unique..keep up the good work!
Submission Name: Wise old man
