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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Exodus Night Sky
    Elite Ratio:    4.85 - 506/234/44
    Words: 259
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1329
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1691



    Description:
       I really dont expect anyone to like or understand this, i was inspired by one of my own writes to do this (it was 'sit on the moon just in case you wer wondering). I wrote this in the car coz i had nothing else to do. I hope noone finds it ofensive.
    and I know it jumps all over the place but thats how the poem is sopouse to be.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    In my chimerical world theres no
    burden or dread. Everything is amended
    because is all made by my head.

    Theres orange and red fire winged
    butterflys. The wind instead of
    tangling it brushes hair as it flys by.
    Tree trunks stay brown but leafs are
    dark blue and sparkle grey. everyone
    who comes in begs to stay.

    Its never too hot or cold, perfect weather
    like in medellin where I was born. We
    all have black wings, few clothes, perfect
    cherubic bodys. Nothing ever goes wrong.

    Words like agony, suicide and melancholy
    dont exist,the grass is green and always
    moist kissed. The stars dance each night
    around the moon while it slowly writhes.
    But this world is no heaven, it has a
    twisted but comfortable scent.

    This place is not ruled by the devil or
    god but by my lets say... discerning
    brain. It has huge rivers composed of
    blood cysts that come from stupid
    teenage kids who die by cutting their
    wrists. There's black dirt coverd by
    fire who only consumes those who
    are pure.. but no worries pure ones
    wont be running around my chimerical
    world.

    Everyone has their own imagination made
    mansions with servants. In mine Hitler is
    my housekeeper and Neron my chef, I
    bought their gay selfs from hell. So
    remember when you're feeling hate, anger,
    sadness or woe, Tatianas world is open
    24/7 for you. But if you decide to come in
    you wont be human anymore just my new
    little fiend.




    Submitted on 2004-05-01 13:32:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Better than earth
    | Posted on 2010-11-26 00:00:00 | by Apteryx | [ Reply to This ]
      this is unadulterated whimsical charm, no explanation needed. that you have the wit and vivacity to come up with something of this magnitude in a world so full of hurt and anguish astounds me.

    the world needs more people like you.
    | Posted on 2004-05-23 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
      Since someone else already took some effort to point out the grammatical errors I won't comment on that.

    What I will say is you have a wonderful fantasy going on in your head. You weaved and created a personal little world where things are however you want them.

    In my world I would not want Hitler as my housekeeper. He would be perfect for when I feel the need to target practice though. But, that is the beauty of having your own imagination. You can make it the way you want.
    | Posted on 2004-05-05 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      "just my new little fiend"
    When i first read that i thought it was a "Scarface" reference. But its said "fiend" not "friend" Anyway...

    The first four stanzas were totally gorgeous. The last two were good too, but a little less elegant (rightfully done though!) but more cynical-ish of the world. I likes it.

    I really liked the flow too. Its like not one line per thought. They all just kind of flow together. Gives me a feeling that you're telling me this instead of having it read to me or something. Nice effect.
    ~Aaron

    | Posted on 2004-05-03 00:00:00 | by MusingMinstrel | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, i like your imagination. And the world in your brain is cool!! I wanna go hehhe. It sound like a dreamland or something. I dunno why you think it's offensive. It's a nice one. I'm putting it on my fave list.
    | Posted on 2004-05-13 00:00:00 | by Little Gal | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting... and very cool! The flow is wonderful. A few spelling errors, but nothing terribly glaring. Your ideal world seems like something out of the ancient Greek concept of an afterlife... semi-Elysian fields, semi-Tartarus.
    A few questions:
    Line 2; not sure of your use of amend there. What did you mean?
    Line13: cherbic bodys= cherubic bodies
    Line 17: wile = while
    Line 21: my my... I think you meant BY my
    Line 23: not sure how the use of cyst works?
    Line 25: Theirs is possesive. "There's" is what you want there.
    Line 27: worrys = worries
    Line 30: imagitation = imagiNation
    Line 34: your = you're

    This is an incredible write, Exodus. I especially like the early descriptions of the "look" of your world, and the fact that those who enter beg to stay. Well done! <><
    | Posted on 2004-05-01 00:00:00 | by WorththeWait | [ Reply to This ]
      Most definately odd and intriguing. Other than what WorththeWait said find nothing wrong, except to ask did you mean to use chimercial or were you looking for comercial?
    | Posted on 2004-05-01 00:00:00 | by Leala | [ Reply to This ]


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